Advice from a recovering workaholic: break free
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Bryan Robinson, author of Chained to the Desk in a Hybrid World.Michael Mauney / NYU Press -
The cover of Bryan Robinson's book.NYU Press
When work is all consuming, it can exact a high price. This is not news to anyone who has grown up with work-obsessed parents or who loves their job so much that it has become part of who they are.
It's a familiar topic for Bryan E. Robinson, a psychotherapist in Asheville, N.C. He's been writing about work-life balance for more than 20 years, and has updated his guidance in an aptly-titled book, Chained to the Desk in a Hybrid World.
As a college professor, Robinson found his anxiety would rise in his idle moments. His work compulsion — even while on vacation — led to frayed relations with his spouse. He reflects on this experience in the book, while sharing the stories of other work-obsessed people.
In the introduction, Robinson writes, "Many clinicians and business leaders — vast numbers of whom are workaholics themselves — still do not recognize workaholism, job burnout, or eighteen-hour pressure cooker days as a mental health problem."
In 2019, the World Health Organization took a step in that direction when it included burnout as an "occupational phenomenon" in its International Classification of Diseases handbook.
In an interview with NPR's A Martinez, Robinson said Americans need to be more mindful of the long-term consequences of overworking. "If I fight my workaholism, that's like fighting the fire department when your house is on fire," he said. "You add stress. You don't fight yourself. You don't attack yourself. You bring compassion to it."
So in his book, Robinson attempts to answer the question "how do you bring compassion to the part of you that wants to work day and night instead of fight it?"
The interview has been lightly edited for clarity and length.
Interview Highlights
On being a workaholic
A work addict is someone who uses their work like a drug addict or someone a compulsive gambler. And it comes from a deeper need inside. I remember times when there was a weekend and there was nothing to do, at least personally to do — how terrifying that was for me.
I remember one occasion where I searched for some project and read the newsletter at the university, and there was a call for grants. And how calm I felt when I put the handout under my arm, just like an alcoholic putting a bottle under his arm. For me, I'm recovering. But my work for a long time was anesthetic; it really calmed me down. Without it, my anxiety went through the roof.
On what work addiction looks like in 2023
Now, there are different levels of work addiction: People who are work addicts or even workaholics tend to bring that with them to the workplace. It's their compulsiveness, and they will often seek work out if it's not strenuous enough. And I know saying that sounds counterintuitive. Most people are trying to avoid work. Why would someone want to work? Well, because there's a deeper reason for it.
This is not about hard work. This is about compulsive overworking and the inability to turn it off to the point that people's lives go down the tubes. The Japanese have a term for it: karoshi, or "death from overwork." Working from seven in the morning to 11 at night. Forty-year-olds keel over at their desks. We don't even have a word for it in our culture. We talk about overworking or workaholism but we don't talk about people who are dying from it — and they actually do.
On the symptoms of a workaholic
One is the internal signs and those can be physical, physiological, stress related symptoms, such as gastrointestinal issues, anxiety, headaches. And psychosomatic illnesses. The other is from the outside. I'm kind of amazed at some of the employers that I work with, actually. They don't want workaholics working for them because they feel like they're really not as productive — they're so busy manufacturing work that they don't get done what needs to get done.
On how to change how you think about work
Well, one of the ways is paying attention to what's going on inside. We have parts or protectors that take over and they eclipse us. They eclipse who we really are sometimes. And recovery, healthy living and happiness are about not allowing these aspects of us to run the show and pull us around by the nose.
We're not passengers in our bodies. And so we don't want anything to drive us. We want to get out of the steering wheel and whatever is driving us, we want to put it in the passenger seat and fasten the seat belt. But everybody wants to be driving their own life.
And when I say driving, I'm not talking about being driven. I'm talking about being drawn instead of driven. Drawn is when we come from that center. I call it the "C-mode" because it's calm, curious, confident, clear. The way to get there is to not let the survival parts of us take over.
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Transcript
A MARTÍNEZ, HOST:
So there's nothing wrong with loving what you do for a living, also nothing wrong with being a hard worker. But what about if you find yourself working all the time at the cost of other things in your life? Psychotherapist Bryan Robinson speaks of struggling with this problem himself when he was a professor at the University of North Carolina. And he told me that he has found that fighting work addiction just doesn't work.
BRYAN ROBINSON: That's like fighting the fire department when your house is on fire. You add stress. Think about that. You don't fight yourself. You bring compassion to it. How do you bring compassion to the part of you that wants to work day and night instead of fight it?
MARTÍNEZ: It's a question that he tries to answer in his book "Chained To The Desk In A Hybrid World." He draws from the experiences of other work addicts, including music artist Alanis Morissette and author Arianna Huffington.
ROBINSON: A work addict is someone who uses their work like a drug addict or compulsive gambler, and it comes from a deeper need inside. I remember times when there was a weekend, and there was nothing to do - at least, personally to do - how terrifying that was for me. And I remember one occasion where I searched for some project and read the newsletter at the university, and there was a call for grants. And I remember how calm I felt when I put the handout under my arm, just like an alcoholic putting a bottle under his arm. And for me - I'm recovering - but, for me, my work, for a long time, was anesthetic. It really calmed me down. And without it, my anxiety went through the roof.
MARTÍNEZ: But does that also mean - in practical terms, does that mean answering emails 24/7, being always available to take up a shift? What does work addiction mean in 2023 that you've seen?
ROBINSON: Now, there are different levels of work addiction. There are some people - people who are work addicts or even workaholics tend to bring that with them to the workplace - it's their compulsiveness - and will often seek work out if it's not strenuous enough. And I know saying that just sounds so counterintuitive. Most people are trying to avoid work. Why would someone want to work? Well, because there's a deeper reason for it. However, the workplace does enable us to work. But a really healthy person is not going to allow themselves to be pulled into that. A lot of times people will say, what's wrong with working hard? My goodness, nothing. It put us on the moon, and it has found vaccinations for COVID.
So this is not about hard work. This is about compulsive overworking and the inability to turn it off to the point that people's lives go down the tubes. The Japanese have a term for it called karoshi, which is death from overwork. Working from 7 in the morning to 11 at night, 40-year-olds keel over at their desks. We don't even have a word for it in our culture. We talk about overworking or workaholism, but we don't talk about people who are dying from it. And they actually do. So the difference...
MARTÍNEZ: Maybe 'cause we don't want to admit it, right, Bryan?
ROBINSON: Oh, no.
MARTÍNEZ: I mean, we don't have a word for it because we don't want to admit it.
ROBINSON: Exactly. The denial is not only within the individual. It's pervasive throughout our culture because, my goodness, I mean, there are CEOs who say, I don't believe in work-life balance. I believe in work-life integration. Work-life integration - the concept is you'll never have perfect balance, which is true. So don't try to. Don't even make that a goal. Just work whenever you can. The difference in work addiction and someone who's a healthy worker is this - a healthy worker is in their office thinking about being on the ski slopes. Workaholic is on the ski slopes thinking about being back in the office or at their desk.
MARTÍNEZ: Yeah, Bryan, but some managers might see that employee and think, they're not focused on work if they're thinking about being on the ski slopes.
ROBINSON: Well, you're not - that doesn't mean you're daydreaming all day long, that you're out of your present mind. I mean, you need a certain amount of mindfulness to - which is actually one of the things I talk about more now as the antidote is being more conscious and aware of the present moment. So when I say dreaming about being on the ski slopes, it's in the back of your mind, but that doesn't mean that you're not working at the same time.
MARTÍNEZ: Since people aren't necessarily chained to a desk anymore, what are the signs? What do people need to look for or can see in themselves that they are becoming workaholics?
ROBINSON: Well, of course, one is the internal signs, and those can be physical, physiological, stress-related symptoms such as gastrointestinal issues, anxiety, headache and then psychosomatic illnesses. The other is - from the outside, I'm kind of amazed at some of the employers that I work with. Actually, they don't want workaholics working for them because they feel like they don't - they're really not as productive 'cause they're so busy manufacturing work that they don't really get done what needs to get done. And they're - the family members are some of the first to start complaining about the overworking because they get shortchanged.
MARTÍNEZ: What would it take for America to somehow, some way change our perspective on how and how much we work?
ROBINSON: Well, one of the ways is paying attention to what's going on inside. We have what we call parts or protectors that take over, and they eclipse us. They eclipse who we really are sometimes. And recovery and healthy living and happiness is really about not allowing these aspects of us to run the show and pull us around by the nose. We're not passengers in our bodies. And so we don't want anything to drive us. We want to get under the steering wheel and, whatever is driving us, we want to put it in the passenger seat and fasten the seat belt. But everybody wants to be driving their own life. And when I say driving, I'm not talking about being driven. I'm talking about being drawn instead of driven. Drawn is when we come from that center. I call it the C mode because it's calm, curious, confident, clear. And the way to get there is to not let the survival parts of us take over.
MARTÍNEZ: That's Bryan E. Robinson, who wrote "Chained To The Desk In A Hybrid World: A Guide To Work-Life Balance." Bryan, thank you.
ROBINSON: Thank you. My pleasure.
(SOUNDBITE OF A-TYPE PLAYER'S "WORK B**** (KARAOKE VERSION)") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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