Civility In A Pandemic: Learning New Languages

The pandemic has changed the way we move in the world and the way we interact with others on a daily basis. WFDD's Bethany Chafin spoke with Washington Post columnist and expert on civility and manners, Steven Petrow, about how people are adapting and the new languages we're learning to speak. 

Interview Highlights

On how face masks have changed the way we communicate with others:

For those listening to this conversation on [the] radio or a podcast, you know, you never get to see our faces. You never get to see a smile or frown. But I do think you get to hear us express emotion. And then really the other part is — our eyes are very expressive. And so even if you're wearing the facemask ... we still have that ability to connect and to see a twinkle or to see sadness. And that is a whole other language. And maybe that language is becoming a little bit stronger because we have to rely on that for now. I think it's definitely a new language, without words, that we're really kind of moving into. And there's a lot that's positive about that, too. So it is asking us to be more observant, perhaps to be more connected with what we see and how we see.

On how stress and anxiety factor into one's ability to be civil:

What comes to mind is that so many of us now are suffering, are challenged, are hurting. And this is really an opportunity for us to recognize that in those people we know and in those people we don't know, maybe even especially those we don't know, and to be extra generous in how we respond. We can't respond with a hug or with a handshake, but with kind words, with kind gestures. And just try to keep that in mind. And that's one of my struggles as I go through this — to understand that I cannot see into to someone else, just as they cannot see into me. And to try to have a little bit of a larger capacity to be open to that.

On tips for encouraging civility when the stakes feel so high:

I think we need to do our best to model the kind of behavior we would like to see in others. We're looking to each other. And so I think it's important that we each think of ourselves as a role model and that does not mean that we need to agree on everything. We're a country that is premised on disagreement. But it does mean that we need to find ways to have those conversations, especially when we are not on the same page. And they can be enormously difficult. And, you know, respect is fundamental to them. Confrontation is anathema to that. And often it's not about who's right or wrong, but really who has the greater capacity to hold this kind of conversation and to be in the moment and to speak honestly. It's difficult for many to speak honestly about topics and politics and health matters now. We need to be honest. And the last part is we need to listen. We assume that we know what someone else is going to say. And we don't. It's a challenge, but it's an opportunity. We have been in a very dark period of political and social fracture. And part of me, the optimist, feels that this time will help us to bridge some of those divides.

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