For Dry January, we ask a music critic for great songs about not drinking
For those who've discovered that Dry January has been more excruciating than expected, we have help: a dive into great songs that explore sobriety.
"I'm coming up on five years sober so this is all extremely personal to me," says music critic Sasha Frere-Jones, who worked at The New Yorker for a decade. His 2023 memoir Earlier reflects on his coming of age in New York City, his trajectory as a writer and musician, his family and his recovery from alcohol abuse.
Even as someone actively working a 12 step program, Frere-Jones says his first instinct was to reject the idea of good songs about not drinking.
"Music sort of makes me drunk, and I don't want to think about sobriety when I listen to music," he says. "Don't preach to me. Don't tell me what to do. I don't want that in my music."
He associated drinking with certain artists he loved, such as Elliott Smith.
"That was my guy," he says. "I don't think anyone has ever written about drinking better than Elliott." In "Between The Bars" Smith appears to be singing to the alcohol itself: "Drink up, baby, look at the stars / I'll kiss you again, between the bars / When I'm where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air / Waiting to finally be caught."
Elliott Smith, along with musicians such as Amy Winehouse, was known for music that seemed to romanticize abusing alcohol and drugs. It should go without saying that both of them are dead, after years of heartbreaking addiction.
So what are the good sobriety songs?
When asked to identify good songs about not drinking, Frere-Jones was at first stumped. Then he remembered "Straight Edge," by Minor Threat, the Washington, D.C., punk band founded in 1980 by Ian MacKaye. It mocks the predictability and commercialism of using drugs and alcohol to escape the world.
"It's such an amazing piece of music." Frere-Jones says. "The reason we talk about straight edge punks is because of this song. And I am roughly the age that Ian MacKaye is. He sang it as a teenager and I heard it as a teenager."
Many years later, during a horrible time of his life, Frere-Jones was in a hospital psychiatric ward when he first heard the song "I'm Blessed," by Charlie Wilson.
"We would all get together and they would play us songs," he remembers. "And it was grim. A lot of people in that room were in extremely bad shape. And this amazing woman kept playing 'I'm Blessed.' And the first time I heard it, I was like, 'Lady, this is a little too cheerful.'"
"But then I fell in love with the song," he continues. "I had to get over myself and absorb it as a song. I know Charlie's story and I think it is a sobriety song."
Charlie Wilson was the successful lead singer of the Gap Band, known for crossover R&B hits in the late 1970s. Then he became addicted to alcohol, cocaine and crack.
"He ended up very unhoused," Frere-Jones says. "He ended up in really, really dire, dire straits, like no-joke stuff. He suffered greatly when he was using."
But the singer met a drug counselor he ended up marrying. He has remained sober for decades. "And he's just so happy. ['I'm Blessed'] definitely makes being sober sound pretty great," Frere-Jones says.
Sobriety as a state of mind
He suggests the best known sobriety song may be Pink's "Sober." Her 2009 pop hit was also nominated for a Grammy. Pink has been open about her past substance abuse, and the song refers to it, with lyrics such as, "Why do I feel this party's over / No pain inside/ You're like perfection/ But how do I feel this good sober?"
"I don't think there's anyone who has gotten sober who doesn't understand every single word of this song," Frere-Jones notes. "And it's also really good because it goes back and forth, from the specific to the general. Also, I just love Pink and I think it's catchy. I'm inclined to believe anything Pink says."
Pink is among a surprising number of celebrity musicians, all women, who have written songs entitled "Sober" in the past few years. They include Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez and Lorde.
"I did not expect there to be so many songs simply called, 'Sober,' " Frere-Jones admits. "A lot of them are using sober or sobriety as a metaphor or state of mind. It's interesting, the gender divide. I mean, I don't think we have that many male pop stars, to be frank. But the men don't have songs called 'Sober.' "
Frere-Jones suggests these musicians may be staring down the shame and stigma of addiction. "I feel like women are just, in general, stronger and more honest," he says. "I'm not surprised that the women are more like, 'Yeah, I got sober, here's my song,' and the guys have to be like, 'What's a clever way of saying this?' "
"The Demi Lovato one is really pretty raw," he adds. "It almost isn't a song. It's like a Tumblr post, and I mean that in the most admiring way. I feel like her public [struggles] have been very agonized, really agitated and touching. And in some ways, [the song is] one of the most important because if it's too euphemistic, people ignore it. Demi Lovato is just like saying it out loud, in plain language. And I think that's really powerful."
Songs of recovery
If you want to hear both men and women singing about sobriety, you will find that in country music. "Rap and country are two great American genres in that they contain the most evidence of daily life, and they often are where things show up the fastest," Frere-Jones says. He describes Kenny Chesney's 1998 hit, "That's Why I'm Here," as "the single most AA meeting song I've ever heard," a joyful song about recovery.
Aerosmith's "Amazing," by Steven Tyler, is another buoyant song about how sobriety feels.
"We say it in meetings and we don't say it in the world enough," Frere-Jones observes. "Like, bro, you're not going to be white knuckling. You're not thinking about what you're missing. You're living this incredibly juicy, pleasurable, amazing life."
Maybe, he adds, sober musicians should be writing more songs about that.
"There should be like, songs about having sex sober. There should be songs about '... and then I had all my money when I woke up in the morning 'cause I didn't spend it.' And complete gratitude."
There is one sober song Sasha Frere-Jones especially wishes he could hear — the one Elliott Smith did not live long enough to write, about how good it feels to be sober and alive.
Edited for the radio and web by Rose Friedman, produced for the web by Beth Novey.
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Transcript
STEVE INSKEEP, HOST:
Happy dry January to those who celebrate. Dry January, if you didn't know, is the idea that you cut out alcohol for a month after the New Year's Eve celebrations. For those who find it hard, NPR's Neda Ulaby brings us a music critic to explore songs about not drinking.
NEDA ULABY, BYLINE: At first, Sasha Frere-Jones was skeptical about this idea.
SASHA FRERE-JONES: Music sort of makes me drunk, and I don't want to think about sobriety when I listen to music. This is dumb. I don't like these songs.
ULABY: Frere-Jones is a former critic for The New Yorker magazine. Make no mistake, this is serious to him.
FRERE-JONES: I'm coming up on five years sober, so this is all extremely personal to me.
ULABY: But even as an alcoholic in recovery, he says, his first instinct was to reject the idea of good songs about not drinking.
FRERE-JONES: Don't preach to me. Don't tell me what to do. Ew, gross. I don't want that in my music.
ULABY: What he wanted instead for many years was music like Elliott Smith's.
FRERE-JONES: That was my guy. I don't think anyone has ever written about drinking better than Elliott. Come on.
ULABY: This song, "Clementine," is about a drunk passed out on a bar stool.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CLEMENTINE")
ELLIOTT SMITH: (Singing) Waking you up to close the bar.
FRERE-JONES: They're waking you up to close the bar. That's the first line of the song. Like, stop it, Elliott, you're too good. How much information can you pack into one line?
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CLEMENTINE")
SMITH: (Singing) Bartender singing "Clementine."
FRERE-JONES: I thought it was saying to me, like, keep going. Keep drinking, man. Like, you know who's at the bar when they close it? Elliott Smith.
ULABY: Elliott Smith in this way is a little like Amy Winehouse, a musician who makes it easy to glamorize being drunk.
FRERE-JONES: I like being drunk because it's like this song. Why would I not want to feel like this song? There are no better songs, so it must be OK to be an alcoholic.
ULABY: It should go without saying that Elliott Smith and Amy Winehouse are now dead, making it harder to romanticize songs about not going to rehab or waking up in a bar.
FRERE-JONES: That's not good. It's like one of the stories on the backs of the big book. Like, you know, I was the guy that they always had to wake up to close the bar.
ULABY: When it comes to good songs about not drinking...
(SOUNDBITE OF MINOR THREAT SONG, "STRAIGHT EDGE")
ULABY: One of the first that occurs to Sasha Frere-Jones is this one by Minor Threat, the Washington, D.C., punk band big in the 1980s and '90s.
FRERE-JONES: The reason we talk about straightedge punks is because of this song.
ULABY: It's nearly impossible to make out the words, but the idea is that the singer has better things to do than get messed up. That's its own kind of rebellion.
FRERE-JONES: That's a version of sobriety. You got to do something when everyone else is doing something else.
ULABY: It was a completely different kind of song that turned out to be important to Sasha Frere-Jones when he heard it in a psych ward in 2019 during a horrible time in his life.
FRERE-JONES: It was grim - it was like a movie grim. We were eating the institutional food, a lot of people in that room were in extremely bad shape. And this amazing woman kept playing "I'm Blessed." And the first time I heard it I was like, lady, this is a little too cheerful.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I'M BLESSED")
CHARLIE WILSON: (Singing) Ask me how I'm doing, I'm blessed, yes. Living every moment, no regrets.
FRERE-JONES: Charlie Wilson, I love. I love his voice so much. I just love him. I had to just sort of get over myself and absorb it as a song. And I was sort of like, yeah, I am blessed. I'm here.
ULABY: In the 1970s, Charlie Wilson was the successful lead singer of the Gap Band with crossover R&B hits. Then came addiction to alcohol, cocaine and crack.
FRERE-JONES: He ended up very unhoused and, like, in really, really dire, dire straits, like no-joke stuff. He suffered greatly when he was using.
ULABY: But the singer met, then married a drug counselor. He has been sober for decades.
FRERE-JONES: I think it is a sobriety song. When he says riding clean, I think he means clean in the way that we mean clean.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I'M BLESSED")
WILSON: (Singing) Riding clean, living dreams. Just left the barber and I'm feeling like Midas.
FRERE-JONES: He's so happy. It definitely makes being sober sound pretty great. Probably the best-known sobriety song got to be "Sober" by Pink.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SOBER")
PINK: (Singing) I don't want to be the girl who laughs the loudest.
ULABY: This song, "Sober," was a pop hit in 2009. It was nominated for a Grammy. Pink has been open about past substance abuse. Here the lyrics are, it's so good, till it goes bad.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SOBER")
PINK: (Singing) When it's good then it's good, it's so good, till it goes bad, till you try to find the you that you once had.
ULABY: And I've heard myself crying never again.
FRERE-JONES: And I don't think there's anyone who has gotten sober who doesn't understand every single word of this song.
ULABY: A lot of celebrity musicians have recently written songs with the same title, "Sober."
FRERE-JONES: Definitely interesting. Pink, Demi Lovato, Kelly Clarkson, Lorde.
ULABY: And Selena Gomez.
FRERE-JONES: The men don't have songs called "Sober." The guys have to be like, what's a clever way of saying this? The women are more like, yeah, I got sober. Here's my song. And, you know, the Demi Lovato one is really pretty raw.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SOBER")
DEMI LOVATO: (Singing) I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why I do it every, every, every time. It's only when I'm lonely.
FRERE-JONES: And in some ways one of the most important because if it's too euphemistic, people ignore it. You know, Demi Lovato is just saying it out loud in plain language.
(SOUNDBITE OF KENNY CHESNEY SONG, "THAT'S WHY I'M HERE")
FRERE-JONES: The best current sobriety songs are, not surprisingly, in country. Like, "That's Why I'm Here," I think, is a really good song.
ULABY: And it was a hit for Kenny Chesney.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THAT’S WHY I’M HERE")
KENNY CHESNEY: (Singing) No, I ain't had nothing to drink. I know that's probably what you'd think if I dropped by this time of night.
FRERE-JONES: That might be the single most AA meeting song I've ever heard. When he says that's why I'm here, it's one of the most clearly, like, I'm glad I am sober songs. You know, it's the simple things in life, like the kids at home and a loving wife that you miss the most when you lose control.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THAT’S WHY I’M HERE")
CHESNEY: (Singing) It's the simple things in life, like the kids at home and a loving wife, that you miss the most when you lose control. And everything you love starts to disappear.
FRERE-JONES: And everything you love starts to disappear. Yeah, I've been there, that's why I'm here. I love that, I love that stuff.
ULABY: Songs about not drinking cut across genres. We obviously cannot get to all of them, but here's one more that Steven Tyler of Aerosmith wrote about recovering from addiction.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "AMAZING")
AEROSMITH: (Singing) It's amazing.
ULABY: It's called "Amazing."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "AMAZING")
AEROSMITH: (Singing) With the blink of an eye, you finally see the light.
ULABY: Sasha Frere-Jones says there should be more songs like this one that are not serious or grim about getting sober.
FRERE-JONES: You're living this incredibly juicy, pleasurable, amazing life. I mean, there should be, like, songs about having sex sober. There should be songs about and then I had all my money when I woke up in the morning because I didn't spend it. And, like, complete gratitude.
ULABY: There is one sober song Sasha Frere-Jones wishes he could hear, the one Elliott Smith did not live long enough to write, a song about how good it feels to be sober and alive.
Neda Ulaby, NPR News.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "AMAZING")
AEROSMITH: (Singing) All the people out there, oh, whoever... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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