Benjamin Barnett is the rabbi at Portland's Havurah Shalom, a Reconstructionist congregation. Nearly a year ago, the congregation drafted a call for a ceasefire in the War in Gaza.
When the ceasefire agreement was announced on January 16, Barnett felt a huge sense of relief.
" I also feel a sense of the tremendous … just such heartache, and heartbreak, and rage, honestly, of what's happened over these past 15 months," said Barnett.
After October 7th, Havurah Shalom began reciting a new prayer as part of their Saturday morning Shabbat services. Barnett took a prayer initially written for the release of captives, and adapted it to speak to the plight of the Israeli hostages — and added to it, to address the plight of those in Gaza.
"May there soon be an end to this violence," Barnett prayed. "And may all the people of Israel and all the people of Palestine be protected under the wings of your endlessly loving presence. May all inhabitants of the land between the river and the sea know safety, freedom, and dignity. And we say, Amen."
A Weekly Vigil
For the past fifteen months, Noga Vilan has also been gathering for a weekly ritual. It started after October 7th, when Vilan and her family went to Portland's waterfront and posted pictures of the hostages. Which were then torn down.
"I thought it was really sad because putting a picture of Israeli hostages does not mean that we care less about the Palestinians," said Vilan. "And people are putting pictures of missing dogs and cats, and people leave it on the trees. But when I put pictures of innocent civilians that were kidnapped in pajamas from their own home, those pictures were torn apart."
So Vilan began standing outside at sites around Portland with the signs for an hour each weekend. Downtown, on bridges, at bookstores, even at Costco. Several dozen other people joined her, holding up signs with the names and pictures of hostages, to bear witness to people walking and driving by.
" Some open their windows and scream: 'free Palestine,'" said Vilan. "We also want to free Palestine. We want everyone to live in peace."
Vilan grew up in Israel, and says one of the hostages was the child of a school friend. She sees the pictures of the elderly hostages taken from their houses, and feels that they could have been her parents. With the hostage deal, Vilan feels some tentative hope. But also grief.
"It is very sad that it's the same deal that was on the table back in May of last year. So it's just awful to think of all those lives that we lost and seriously — eight months that those people could have been home, and the many Palestinian lives that could have been saved."
And she worries that there'll be another October 7th a few months or years down the road.
"That's the biggest fear, I guess," said Vilan. "That this war is not really ending … That we are not breaking this hate cycle, we're just doing a ceasefire."
A Range of Reactions
This churn of emotion after the ceasefire announcement has been happening on the national stage as well. The organizations representing each of the three major branches of Judaism — Orthodox, Conservative and Reform — all issued responses to the ceasefire. They're united in expressing joy and relief at the release of the hostages. But there are differences, echoing the differences within the American Jewish community.
The statement from the Orthodox Union says "We rejoice with the hostage families reunited with their loved ones, and we weep with the many left waiting. We rejoice with the soldiers able to return to their families, homes, and daily lives, and we weep for those who will not."
But unlike the other denominations, their statement does not mention the war's impact on people in Gaza. When asked if there was discussion about this, Nathan Diament, the organization's Executive Director of Public Policy, said "The statement speaks for itself."
The OU's statement also ends with the phrase "There should still be hell to pay."
The United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism put out a statement that celebrates the hostage returns, laments the high price at which they will come, and calls out the suffering of innocent Israelis as well as Gazans.
"I think that all elements of Judaism believe that all human life is sacred," said Rabbi Jacob Blumenthal, the group's CEO. "The question is, where's our emotional capacity to empathize with the other when you're feeling your own pain? So I don't have any judgment for people who are along that spectrum."
Rabbi Rick Jacobs, president of the Union for Reform Judaism, acknowledges that finding that emotional capacity can be difficult. But that's the work of this time.
"There are chambers of your heart," points out Jacobs. "It's not one chamber. And our tradition commands us to not only care about our own family — and the hostages from Israel are our family — but it also commands us to care for the rest of God's family."
The Tools of Faith
Since October 7th, Jews in America have wrestled with many of the costs of war. Portland's Havurah Shalom includes people who identify as both Zionist and anti-Zionist among its members, and Rabbi Benjamin Barnett says that these past fifteen months have really stretched them.
It's been challenging, and they've lost some members over it, on both sides of the aisle. But Barnett says they've gained some members too. And that with their practice, they have created a way to come together.
"One of the things that ritual does is it links us both with each other, in this moment. It links us with our ancestors. And I think it reminds us who we really want to be."
Barnett says even in moments of deep hurt, and celebration, and uncertainty -- all of which people are feeling right now -- it can be clarifying to connect with something larger, connect with your heart.
"It can't just be about what we're resisting," says Barnett. "I think it has to be about what is the kind of life that we want to be living? What do we want to be cultivating here? What do we want to be passing down to our children?"
American Jews are uncertain about what world will come out of this ceasefire. But they hope it's a better one. In Portland, both Barnett and Vilan plan to keep up their weekly practice of offering prayer, and holding signs. And both are looking forward to the day when there's no more need.
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