Saddled With Student Loans, Bestselling Author Worries, 'I Don't Want To Die Poor'

Writer Michael Arceneaux has a tongue-in-cheek message for young people right now: "Please don't be as much of a mess as I was."

Arceneaux graduated from Howard University with a degree in broadcast journalism in 2007, just as the Great Recession was kicking in. He faced a dwindling media landscape — and more than $100,000 of private student loans.

Arceneaux writes about how student loan debt has affected every aspect of his life in the essay collection, I Don't Want to Die Poor. His previous memoir, I Can't Date Jesus: Love, Sex, Family, Race, and Other Reasons I've Put My Faith in Beyoncé, was a New York Times bestseller that helped put him on the path toward paying off his college loans. Even so, he says he still doesn't feel financially secure — especially amid the economic downturn that has accompanied the COVID-19 pandemic.

"I'm still [as] worried about my earning potential as anyone else is right now," he says. "Everything is so fragile and it's just really scary. It makes me really sad for other people, who I know don't have it as fortunate as the both of us talking to each other right now."

Despite the stress of his college loans, Arceneaux doesn't regret the risk he took — instead he questions why working-class students are put in the position to assume overwhelming debts for an education.

"A lot of people ask me, 'Would you go back and do anything differently?' No! That's the wrong question," he says. "The question more people should be asking is: Why [do] so many people in this country have to go through that? Why should I have to take out a six-figure loan just to have the same access as a lot of other people?"

Interview Highlights

On continuing to struggle financially, despite experiencing success in his career

I became a New York Times bestselling author the same week I lost my health insurance. ... I do have a foot in both worlds, because I just really know how difficult it is to attain social mobility. And I say this with respect, but I don't think most people in media and entertainment recognize that even being able to exist within these industries — which are really designed for people who can afford sacrifice — that most people can't afford those sacrifices. ... I think oftentimes what's missing is the working-class perspective, because while the book is ... about chasing a dream, it's also about real economic anxiety, which I heard is a topic people love to talk about — and yet don't really hear [about] from people [with] my background's perspective.

On being worried about both his physical and financial health right now

I just turned 36 on Easter. I'm black. I'm in Harlem. I was actually planning to go to Texas and spend more time there. But it's not the best place to go either. So it's not lost on me that of the people [who] are dying, they are basically my [race and class]. So I am worried about my health. In terms of my finances, much of the book ... I talk about student loans, but also write about the fact that we can't always control our fate, as evidenced by the fact that I graduated during the first Great Recession and now, on the heels of me finally feeling like I have some security in my life — which for a lot of people my age was really their first time to feel it — now we're in the wave of a pandemic. So it's very scary.

On his mom's reluctance to co-sign for his student loans

It wasn't out of spite. It wasn't jealousy. It was out of a real, genuine concern for her child, knowing how difficult this country makes it for people like us. ... She apologized for that, really not long after it happened, and has supported me along the way. It's my guilt and my shame that I carry, because to me, my struggles with that debt — which impacts her credit — I don't want to be another black man letting my mama down. That's what that is. But even my mom, to her credit, is like, "Boy, stop worrying about that. I'm not worried about that. You're doing the best you can. You're gonna pay it off."

On missing a payment for his student loans and getting relentless calls from collection agencies

They will hound you. Some people are nicer than others. Sometimes I've gotten calls as early as 7 or 8 a.m. ... They call you whenever. They don't care. Some people are nice. But the thing is, they'll call me and say, "You owe such and such and such." But if I don't have $3,000 to give you that day, or even $1800, I don't have it. And then they say, "Maybe I'll have some options"... But the reality is you don't really have any options — either pay or your credit is going to go to hell.

The people that are mean sometimes, which is really interesting, they are like, "Well, why don't you have it?" And then start giving you career advice. And what annoys me about that is like, "OK. With all due respect, you're working at a call center. So you are speaking down to me based on the presumption that because I can't pay my bills, I'm broke or poor, and so by virtue, I should be treated less than?"

On how his life might have been different if he had come out as gay sooner

I would have gotten scholarship money, because there were organizations that provided scholarships for [queer] students, particularly those in need, who might have wanted to get away. But I wasn't ready to face the truth about myself. ... I helped one of my friends with her essay that got glowing reviews and won some money. I think if I accepted myself sooner, I'd probably just have an easier life all around. But, you know, you are who you are until you aren't. Everybody works at their own pace. I would have liked less debt, but it would have been actually not probably the safest way for me all around to come out then. I'm not saying my parents would've hurt me, but I just don't think it would've been the best environment for me, scholarship money or not.

Sam Briger and Mooj Zadie produced and edited the audio of this interview. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Meghan Sullivan adapted it for the Web.

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