'Wait Wait' for July 20, 2024: With Not My Job guest Allyson Felix

Transcript

JENNIFER MILLS, BYLINE: The following program was taped in front of an audience of real, live people.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm the voice of your aunt's sexual awakening.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Ill., filling in for Peter Sagal, Karen Chee.

(APPLAUSE)

KAREN CHEE, HOST:

Hi. I'm Karen Chee, and, yes, I'm filling in for Peter Sagal this week. We are basically the same person, but I'm stronger and meaner.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: We've got a great show for you today. Later on, Olympic track-and-field star Allyson Felix will be joining us to play our game and make us feel bad about our mile times.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: But first, it's your turn, so give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. And now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

GRAHAM: Hi. This is Graham (ph), calling from Pittsburgh.

CHEE: Oh, hello, Graham.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: Welcome to the show. What do you do in Pittsburgh?

GRAHAM: I'm an electrical engineer.

CHEE: No way.

UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE MEMBER: (Cheering).

CHEE: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Electrical engineers showing up strong.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Graham, I want you to know my late grandfather was an electrical engineer, and he always used to describe me as very handsome.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: I'm really teeing you up to call me handsome, but that's OK. We'll move on.

CHEE: Graham, I want to introduce you to our panel. First up, we have a comedian whose newest stand-up special, "Vacation Baby," is streaming on YouTube. It's Hari Kondabolu.

HARI KONDABOLU: Hello, Graham. Good day.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: And next, we have a writer for the show "Big Mouth," and Season 7 of that show is now out on Netflix. Say hi to Shantira Jackson.

CHEE: And finally, a writer whose hit Substack is called "Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart." It's Roy Blunt Jr.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: Welcome to the show, Graham. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize, any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. Are you ready?

GRAHAM: I am.

CHEE: Yeah. Your first quote is about the hot style trend that swept the Republican National Convention this week.

KURTIS: We're helping President Trump set a new fashion statement.

CHEE: That was a woman explaining to the BBC why she and many others were wearing what on their ears?

GRAHAM: Bandages.

CHEE: That's correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: What a convention. After his assassination attempt, we saw a kinder, gentler Donald Trump this week. In his speech Thursday, for instance, he said he could shoot a man in the ear on Fifth Avenue and get away with it.

(LAUGHTER)

SHANTIRA JACKSON: I'm having a great time.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Yeah, it really was amazing seeing all the supporters wearing bandages over their ears in solidarity with Trump. And I think it's so nice that, in solidarity with Biden, Democrats have been quitting their jobs.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: I think that it's so funny that they are interested in health care, all of a sudden.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: That's crazy. Bandages - where did you get those - Obamacare?

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: The big actual news out of the convention was, of course, Trump's vice presidential pick, Ohio Senator J.D. Vance. He offers Americans a refreshing change because do you realize it's been more than three years since we've had a white man vice president?

(LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT JR: We've tried everything else.

CHEE: This was truly a unifying pick from Donald Trump, somehow bringing together both the Proud Boys and the Klan.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: I never thought I would laugh at the Klan.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Have you been following the news about J.D. Vance at all?

JACKSON: Yeah. I followed it, and then I turned it off.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: People talk about wanting politicians you could have a beer with, and I just want to say J.D. Vance is a politician I want to cover my beer around.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: But to Donald Trump Jr., he's a politician you can have a beard with.

KONDABOLU: Oh, my God, that's so funny.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: That one's for all the dads in the crowd.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Graham, your next quote is from Indian billionaire Mukesh Ambani, who just spent $600 million on a big event.

KURTIS: This is the last one of these we're doing.

CHEE: Ambani was talking about an event he just paid for, which was the most expensive what ever?

GRAHAM: Can I get a hint, please?

CHEE: Yes. He wrote the check with the words I do.

GRAHAM: Wedding.

CHEE: Yeah.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: The most expensive wedding in history took place last weekend. The groom is Anant Ambani, the son of India's richest man, and the bride is Radhika Merchant, who loves him for who he is.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Can we just address the fact I was not invited?

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Like, I really did expect to go, and I was very excited about it. And I heard they had a very nice porridge for dessert made of poor people. And...

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: If you spent $600 million on the wedding, don't ask me to get you nothing. I'm not giving you anything.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Yeah, it would be weird if you, like, gave them a toaster.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: No, but you get four pieces in it, though.

BLOUNT: I wonder how you spend that much money on a wedding, though.

JACKSON: I would love to find out. Anybody want to give it to me, and I will try my best?

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Well, honestly, they had a lot of stuff. Like, reports say it cost almost $600 million, and it really showed, right? Two thousand people were invited. There were countless parties and events leading up to the wedding, and guests could choose between salmon, chicken or - and I'm quoting from the invitation here - the last polar bear.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: Didn't Justin - I read about this wedding. Justin Bieber performed, I believe.

KURTIS: Oh, yeah.

CHEE: Yes. The performances were by Justin Bieber, the Backstreet Boys, Katy Perry and Rihanna, which means even the richest man in India has not bought a single new record in the last 15 years.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Do you know who didn't perform there? It was me 'cause I wasn't invited to it.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: They ran out of money.

KONDABOLU: Man, they really can't get divorced. They really - that would...

BLOUNT: That'd cost twice as much.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: All right. Graham, here's your last quote.

KURTIS: Tornado people are battening down the hatches.

CHEE: That's a quote from Slate about the worry that what new movie will make amateurs try and chase tornadoes?

GRAHAM: "Twisters."

CHEE: That's correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: You got it.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: The blockbuster sequel to "Twister," "Twisters" - even twistier...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: ...Is out now. And storm chasers are worried it'll lead to totally unqualified people chasing dangerous tornadoes. For their part, the tornadoes say, yum, yum, yum. Give me them all.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Have any of you - are any of you interested in seeing the movie or chasing tornadoes?

JACKSON: I'm Black. I'm not chasing no tornadoes.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: That's wild. Listen, though, the closest thing I would ever do to chasing a tornado is, like, trying to hang out with Helen Hunt.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: She seems cool.

CHEE: Yeah, yeah.

JACKSON: But, like, I'm not doing that (laughter).

BLOUNT: I could identify with running away from a tornado. That'd be just as - be exciting...

CHEE: Yes. Yeah, yeah.

BLOUNT: ...Maybe more.

CHEE: But you could run away from anywhere. You could be, like, on a different continent and run.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Not run away. There's difference between running and running away from a tornado.

CHEE: Yeah, I guess that's true.

BLOUNT: You're motivated. Nobody likes to run.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: I feel like this is one of the lessons we learned in school - don't chase tornadoes, right?

CHEE: Yes.

KONDABOLU: Don't go chasing waterfalls.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.

CHEE: Yes.

KONDABOLU: Yeah.

CHEE: Have any of you been near a tornado?

KONDABOLU: No, because the Indian contingent also would never do that.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: I have come along after one. So when trees were down all over the road, and I was - a busload of people. I had to get out and move the trees so we could drive up the road, yeah.

CHEE: That's - so you physically picked up and moved trees?

BLOUNT: I myself picked up most of them.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: And then I picked up a couple of children so that they could pick them up.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Actually, it could have been a movie now that I think about it. I'm going to get back home and write that.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Great, great. Bill, how did Graham do?

KURTIS: He got three in a row, so he wins.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: Graham, thank you so much for playing. Goodbye.

GRAHAM: Thank you for having me. Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

CHEE: Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Roy, scientists have discovered that when a female bell frog doesn't like the mating song of a male frog, she will what?

BLOUNT: She will - well, there was a thing in the paper or online about cannibalism among frogs.

CHEE: Yes.

BLOUNT: She'll eat him.

CHEE: That's correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KONDABOLU: Oh, no.

(APPLAUSE)

KONDABOLU: That's great.

JACKSON: I am so proud of her.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: I'm sure there are women in this room that have dated a musician that they just wanted to eat and get rid of.

CHEE: This discovery was made - and this is true - when a biologist was out doing research and suddenly heard a male frog screaming...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: ...The biologist ran to the scene, and, sure enough, a female was trying to eat the male frog's leg while pulling him into a hole.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: And I just want to say, from personal experience, that sounds better than getting ghosted.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: Do we know for sure that she was trying to kill him? 'Cause dragging somebody from the leg - some people might call that foreplay.

KURTIS: Ooh.

JACKSON: We don't know those frogs' lives.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Yeah, and I'm realizing I don't know your life.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Ooh.

KONDABOLU: This is why Kermit only dated pigs.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Scientists say the males know this is a risk, but they still attempt their mating songs. So the corollary finding is frog sex must be mind-blowing.

(SOUNDBITE OF PAUL WILLIAMS AND KENNY ASCHER SONG, "I HOPE THAT SOMETHIN' BETTER COMES ALONG")

CHEE: Coming up, somebody's going to pay tribute in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Shantira Jackson, Roy Blount Jr. and Hari Kondabolu. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., filling in for Peter Sagal, Karen Chee.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: Thank you, Bill. Thank you. And right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air, or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page @waitwaitnpr. Hello, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JEN: Hi. This is Jen (ph) from Silver Spring, Md.

CHEE: Wow. Hi, Jen.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: Jen, what do you do in Silver Spring?

JEN: I really want to say something funny, but I work at the Tax Court in Washington, D.C., which doesn't exactly lend itself to humor...

(LAUGHTER)

JEN: ...Or fun at parties.

CHEE: Jen, that's actually really exciting, though, 'cause I got an extension on my taxes this year. But you probably already knew that.

JEN: Oh, good for you.

(LAUGHTER)

JEN: Good job (laughter).

CHEE: Thank you. Thank you so much. It's so nice to have you with us, Jen. You're here to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. So what's the topic, Bill?

KURTIS: It's a tribute.

CHEE: Everybody loves a tribute, whether it's Elton John writing "Candle In The Wind" for Marilyn Monroe or Elton John half-assing "Candle In The Wind" again for Princess Diana.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Our panelists are going to tell you about another fitting tribute in the news. So pick the real one, and you'll win the WAIT WAITer of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

JEN: I'm ready to play.

CHEE: Great. First up, we've got Hari Kondabolu.

KONDABOLU: Former German Chancellor Angela Merkel is the star of a new detective show. Bored with retirement and unwilling to try pickleball, a fictionalized version of the stateswoman spends her retirement baking cakes and solving heinous murders in the town she lives in. It's like "Murder, She Wrote," except it's with Angela Merkel and is completely insane.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: According to the Financial Times, the fictionalized Merkel is joined on screen with a farting pig named Helmut, which I'm sure is funny for Germans.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: This is the second attempt at a TV show with a world leader as a star, after the late Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's show, "Silvio's Sex Party"...

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: ...Which was exactly what you imagine it was. The Merkel show is a hit in Europe and is hitting the Italian market this week. As we all know, when Italy and Germany agree on something, there's no way they could possibly be wrong.

(CHEERING)

KONDABOLU: Thank you. That was a flawless read. Thank you.

CHEE: So that was a TV show about inspector Angela Merkel from Hari Kondabolu. Your next story is of a celebrity being celebrated that comes from Shantira Jackson.

JACKSON: Spicy cuisine is all the rage in Bangkok, which is why this month, the Bangkok Art and Culture Center opened an exhibit to celebrate the hottest person in hot food, the inventor of Flamin' Hot Cheetos, Richard Montanez. The tour of the exhibit starts by letting people taste all of the variations Montanez came up with before the final Hot Cheetos recipe. But before you even taste one spicy morsel, you have to sign a waiver that dismisses the cultural center from any liability in case eating the hot Cheetos results in permanent loss of taste, smell, eyesight, hearing or touch...

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: ...Yes, touch, because that spicy red stuff can literally burn the fingerprints right off your hands. The new original Thai flavors include Oh, Wow, Buddy, That's Hot; Hey, That Burns Like Hell; and the most infamous, Someone Please Call An Ambulance - My Husband Is Having A Heart Attack.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: Each flavor offers a rich experience for the Flamin' Hot pro and novice alike. The Richard Montanez Flamin' Hot exhibit will be open until the end of summer 2024, unless someone actually dies. Then it will close immediately.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: And that was new Flamin' Hot flavors from Shantira Jackson. Your last story is of a salute in the news, and it comes from Roy Blount Jr.

BLOUNT: His name is Psy - spelled P-S-Y - and he sang and danced, whoop, whoop, "Gangnam Style."

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: It looked a little like horseback riding and a little like me and the horse - generally, a lot of bowlegged dancing around - and it captivated the whole wide world - whoop, whoop, whoop, "Gangnam Style."

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: It was the first billion-selling music video. And Psy has not done much ever since. But this week, Psy was honored by the international K-Pop Institute as original god of crypto Asian moves. Whoop, whoop, "Gangnam Style."

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: OK, Jen, so you've got TV detective Angela Merkel, new Flamin' Hot flavors and "Gangnam Style" cryptocurrency. Which one of these three do you think is the real story?

JEN: I'm going to go with Psy.

CHEE: So your choice is Roy's story about K-pop legend Psy. To find out the correct answer, we spoke to a reporter who covered the real story.

GUY CHAZAN: The Germans have come up with this comedy show, which features a fictionalized Angela Merkel solving all kinds of unsolved murders.

(APPLAUSE)

JEN: (Laughter).

KONDABOLU: Yeah, but...

CHEE: That was...

KONDABOLU: That was the tricky one, Jen. That was a tricky one.

JEN: Oh, my God. You totally lost me at the pig (laughter).

CHEE: The voice you just heard, that was Guy Chazan, the Berlin bureau chief for the Financial Times, talking about "Merkel, She Wrote" (ph).

(LAUGHTER).

JEN: Oh.

CHEE: I'm so sorry, Jen, but Hari did have the real answer. You didn't win.

JEN: Oh.

CHEE: But that's OK. You did earn a point for Roy.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: Jen, thank you so much for playing with us (laughter). Bye.

JEN: Thank you so much. Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "GANGNAM STYLE")

PSY: (Singing in Korean).

CHEE: And now it's time for the game we call Not My job. With five Olympics and 11 Olympic medals to her name, Allyson Felix is one of the greatest track and field athletes of all time. And she'll be back at the Olympics again this year, not to compete, but to launch the game's first-ever nursery for athletes with children. And hopefully, that doesn't mean she has to watch them all herself.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Allyson Felix, welcome to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

(CHEERING)

ALLYSON FELIX: Hey. Thanks for having me.

CHEE: So you're headed to Paris tomorrow.

FELIX: I am, yeah, all packed up, ready to go.

CHEE: Wow. How are you preparing for a trip like that?

FELIX: It's really different this time because, you know, usually, I'm used to just - I just have to get myself ready. But this time, my entire family is coming. So...

KURTIS: Ooh.

FELIX: ...Little bit more stressful on the packing front, but we're getting there.

CHEE: You've been to the Olympics many times before. And I wondered, of all the ones that you've been to, which one was your favorite?

FELIX: Tokyo actually is - sticks out to me because it was my last - it was kind of a full-circle moment. I - you know, it was my first as a mother and competing in shoes that my company made and overcoming a lot of adversity. So that one is just super meaningful.

CHEE: Are there, like, stereotypes of Olympians by sport? Like - I don't know - like, you're like, ooh, the gymnasts are always too cool, but the swimmers are all nerds kind of a thing.

(LAUGHTER)

FELIX: Kind of, like, a little bit of that, you know. I think it's like - the sprinters are, like, flashy and, you know, like that. A little bit, I guess (laughter).

CHEE: Yeah. So if you think the sprinters are flashy, who - what other sport do you think would be besties with sprinters?

FELIX: Ooh. I mean, basketball, you know. I feel like we're really kind of in line, or maybe that's just me, like, wishfully thinking.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: No, it makes sense.

FELIX: Basketball is my first love. So I feel like in my head, like, we go hand in hand.

CHEE: Wait. I didn't realize basketball was your first love. I have questions about this because I read online that you found out you were good at track because you were trying to make new friends at a new high school, right?

FELIX: Yeah, that's right.

CHEE: So...

FELIX: I just went out for the team to meet people, but I came out for basketball before that.

CHEE: Gotcha.

FELIX: And, like, very quickly, it was clear that, like, that was not my gift. So I...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Everyone's like passing the ball, but you're just sprinting up and down the court.

(LAUGHTER)

FELIX: Yep (laughter).

CHEE: Did you end up making a lot of friends from track and field in high school?

FELIX: I did. That part was successful. I met my, like, best girlfriends to this day. They were all in my wedding. We see each other - we try to see each other every month. So, yeah, I - that part worked out.

CHEE: That's amazing. So at what point in your life did you realize - even if your basketball skills weren't the greatest, when did you realize that you had a superhuman talent for running?

FELIX: It happened pretty quickly. So I came out for the team in ninth grade. And then the first year after I graduated, I found myself in the Olympics. So it was kind of a wahoo (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Allyson, that's so incredible. I love that so much. And I just want to say, for the record, I've never tried track and field. So I'm going to try, and I'll be at the next Olympics, I'm sure.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: I have a question, which is - so I love watching the games on television from my couch. And...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: ...I always see athletes - but especially runners - kind of, like, murmuring to themselves right before they start a race. Do you do that? And what are you saying to yourself?

FELIX: I do. I definitely - I'm, like, talking to myself. I think some people are, like, hyping themselves up. For me, I am - talk - like, technical thoughts. I'm like, OK, drive 'cause you're talking about coming out of the blocks. Keep your head down. I just, like, like to give myself a few cues so that I can make sure, like, I'm locked in, and those are the things I need to be thinking about.

CHEE: Wow. And then when you're actually running, are you also actively thinking or are you sort of letting muscle memory take over?

FELIX: At that point, I am. I have, like, cues at each point of the race. I'm thinking, like what I need to be doing when I hit certain, like, markers. But sometimes, if - like, your mind can wander to a place that's not good. Sometimes, like, in the 400, which is a race that I feel like is just way too long, I'll...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: I agree. I agree.

FELIX: Sometimes, if I'm running that race, I might get to, like, the hundred meters, and I'll be like, oh, my gosh. I'm already tired, still breathing (ph)...

(LAUGHTER)

FELIX: That's not good.

JACKSON: Olympians are just like us.

CHEE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: We agree. We both think the 400 meters is too long.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: What is the dream distance for you?

FELIX: Two hundred meters. It's my favorite. I've always - used to call it my baby. But then, like, I had a baby, and I was like, maybe...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Super fair. Is there anything that you were looking forward to doing in Paris?

FELIX: I'm really - I'm - I've always been obsessed with gymnastics, and my daughter started doing gymnastics. So I'm really excited to take her to watch Simone Biles.

CHEE: Oh, my God.

KONDABOLU: Yeah.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: Wait. Does your - is your daughter also very athletic?

FELIX: I'm seeing glimpses of it. You know, I'm trying to...

CHEE: Yeah.

FELIX: ...Keep her away from the track. So I'm like, do everything else. But when I told her that we were going to go see Simone, she, like, had questions like, well, am I going to get to go out on the balance beam?

(LAUGHTER)

FELIX: I'm like, baby, not quite yet.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Those are really good questions, though. I love that she's so excited (laughter).

FELIX: Right.

CHEE: I also feel like, why not? Let her give it a try.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: I had a question, which is, because you run professionally, when you have to run for stuff in your everyday life - like, if you're late for the bus or something...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: ...Are you kind of just like, ugh, now I'm doing work for free?

(LAUGHTER)

FELIX: Sprinters are actually the slowest walkers ever. It's factual. So - I don't know - yeah, we don't like to go fast anywhere else but on the track.

CHEE: Wow. That's pretty good to know.

JACKSON: Olympians - just like us.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: That's fantastic. All right, Allyson, we've asked you here to play a game we're calling...

KURTIS: Two hundred meters? How about these meters?

CHEE: You've won many medals racing the 200 meter and the 400 meter. So we thought we'd ask you about the parking meter.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: If you answer two out of three questions correctly about one of the last things you can use coins for, you will win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of any one of us on their voicemail. Bill, who is Allyson playing for?

KURTIS: Brenan Schmidt (ph) of Concord, N.H.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: All right, Allyson, here's your first question. A man named Charles Mysak has sold used books on a New York street corner since the '90s, and he found the parking meter there very convenient in what way? A, he has sold over a million 25-cent postcards to people who needed change for the meter; B, he stored his books in the car, which he kept in the same parking spot for 11 years, feeding the meter every day; or C, he protected his crate of valuable, rare books by locking it to the meter with a bike lock?

FELIX: Let's go with A.

CHEE: Oh, would you want to guess again?

(LAUGHTER)

FELIX: B?

CHEE: Yes.

KURTIS: B it is.

CHEE: Correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: That is correct. He parked in the same space for 11 years, only moving the car for street cleanings. I guess, finally, someone else zipped in there real fast.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: All right, Allyson, here's your next question. In the state of Florida, parking meters aren't just for cars. You are also required by law to feed the meter when? A, when you tie an alligator to the parking meter...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: ...B, when you are drinking rum on the sidewalk; or C, when you're saving good seats for Fourth of July parade?

FELIX: C. I mean, that's clever.

CHEE: Oh, we'll give you - we're going to give you a second try.

(LAUGHTER)

FELIX: I wish I could do this in the Olympics.

(LAUGHTER)

FELIX: Like...

(CROSSTALK)

FELIX: Can't even - like, A?

CHEE: Yes, that's correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: A is correct. So if you see an alligator on the sidewalk, park there. The meter is already paid.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Here is your last question. A New York parking enforcement officer was sent to jail after he embezzled over $90,000 in quarters that he collected from meters over the course of five years. How was he finally caught? A, he got a hole in his pocket, and police followed a trail of coins to his house...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: ...B, he was overheard on his collection route saying, one for you, one for me; or C, the bank in town called the police and said, hey, this guy in a parking enforcement uniform keeps depositing huge piles of quarters into his bank account?

FELIX: I'm going to do C.

CHEE: Yes, that's correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: What was he supposed to do - go back to the office with all those quarters in his pockets? No. You walk right into the back in uniform and deposit them.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Bill, how did Allyson do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She broke the tape and won all three races.

KONDABOLU: Oh.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: Allyson Felix is one of the greatest sprinters of all time, a multiple world and Olympic champion. Allyson, thank you - truly - so much for joining us on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LOVELY RITA")

THE BEATLES: (Singing) Lovely Rita, meter maid. Lovely Rita, meter maid.

CHEE: In just a minute, why some jeans are feeling blue. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Roy Blount Jr., Hari Kondabolu and Shantira Jackson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., filling in for Peter Sagal, Karen Chee.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, it's a winner-take-all contest of human versus limerick. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Roy, Season 21 of "The Bachelorette" premiered this week, where one lucky woman gets to date multiple men in a glamorous fantasy. And this season, viewers noticed the mansion had a brand-new feature. What?

BLOUNT: Well, let's see. I don't think there's any way in the world I can profit from this question.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Here's a hint. Thirst traps aren't the only traps they've had to set this season.

BLOUNT: Mouse traps?

CHEE: I'll give it to you. Yeah, it's a rat infestation.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

JACKSON: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Oh, man.

JACKSON: I saw a video of a bunch of rats running - I don't watch "The Bachelorette," but I did see a bunch of - a video of a bunch of rats running around. And I thought...

(CROSSTALK)

BLOUNT: I don't watch "The Bachelorette" either.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: I don't want anybody to get mad if I, like, get people's names wrong or anything,

CHEE: No, it's true, because during - you're right, what you saw was during a scene where the bachelorette was talking to a contestant, Sam M. - not to be confused with - this is true - Sam N...

JACKSON: (Laughter).

CHEE: ...When viewers noticed two rats running across the background, and rodent boy summer just got too real.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Honestly, that would make these shows better. Like, if you lock them in the house, and then you just put a bunch of rats in there, and you don't tell them, and it's actually a rat reality show...

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: ...And they think it's just one of these - oh, it's another bachelor show. And then they realize it has nothing to do with that.

BLOUNT: Right.

KONDABOLU: Some of them get eliminated, meaning the rats eat them.

BLOUNT: And then the rats get a big bowl of flowers.

KONDABOLU: Correct.

JACKSON: (Laughter).

KONDABOLU: The winning rat.

CHEE: That sounds like a great show.

KONDABOLU: Yeah.

CHEE: Yeah.

BLOUNT: Yeah.

CHEE: That sounds like it'd be called "The Bachelor Rat."

BLOUNT: Bachelor rat. Ah.

(CHEERING)

KONDABOLU: That was an alley-oop. Well done.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: I'm going to get you a shoe deal for that.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Whoa.

CHEE: All right. Shantira, psychologists agree it is very common to be upset by a loved one's behavior, even if their betrayal happened where?

JACKSON: When they were being mean to you.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Where were they mean to you?

JACKSON: At the grocery store (laughter).

CHEE: OK, here's a hint. You wake up and immediately, your partner is like, how dare you?

JACKSON: Oh, in your dreams.

CHEE: That's correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Whoa.

(APPLAUSE)

JACKSON: I got that because I know a lot of lesbians.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: And the women are always like, I'm mad at you because of what happened in the clouds in my dream.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: It's true. More and more people are admitting to getting mad at their partners and friends for things they did in dreams. It's honestly a double whammy. First, you have to sit through your friend telling you about their dream.

JACKSON: (Laughter).

CHEE: And now they're mad at you about it? Give me a break.

JACKSON: I think that that is fair 'cause sometimes, like, people do stuff in your - I don't know. I feel like - especially women, for sure. I can't speak for men, and I don't want to. But I do think that a lot of women have - like, that's women's intuition, and it's like - you find out a lot of things in your dreams. And I'm also Southern, so maybe that's just, like, something my grandy (ph) told me (laughter).

BLOUNT: I used to want to want to speak for men, but not anymore.

(SOUNDBITE OF FLEETWOOD MAC SONG, "DREAMS")

CHEE: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

You can see us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago or on the road in Minneapolis, August 29 and 30. Plus, check out the WAIT WAIT Stand-Up Tour coming in September to Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, Orlando and Atlanta. Tickets and info for those shows at nprpresents.org. And if that's not enough, you sicko, you can also see our weird, unsupervised game show, WAIT WAIT Land, at Caveat NYC in New York City on July 26.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

KRISTEN COLIN: (Inaudible). This is Kristen Colin (ph) from Uniontown, Ohio.

CHEE: Kristen, hello. Union strong.

COLIN: (Laughter) Sure.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: Kristen, what do you do in Uniontown?

COLIN: Well, when I'm at home, I like to garden and be with my family.

CHEE: Oh.

COLIN: And I work at a large state university as the director of admissions.

CHEE: Wow. Oh, my gosh. That's so exciting. You get to...

COLIN: Oh, very, very exciting.

CHEE: Congratulations on your exciting life.

(LAUGHTER)

COLIN: Thank you. Thank you.

CHEE: Welcome to the show, Kristen. Bill Kurtis is going...

COLIN: Thank you.

CHEE: Yeah.

BLOUNT: Yeah.

CHEE: Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're going to be a winner. So here's your first limerick.

KURTIS: At Levi's, we do have the means to run some pants-making machines. And it's high denim season, so what is the reason we can't seem to sell any...

COLIN: Jeans.

KURTIS: Yes.

CHEE: Correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: Trend forecasters have dubbed 2024 the year of denim, and reports say the only fashion company not able to capitalize on it is - somehow - Levi's. How much does it suck to only make denim and have everyone say, we want denim, but not your denim?

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: What do they have against Levi's denim?

HARI KONDABOLU == KONDABOLU == COMEDIAN

BLOUNT: Yeah.

CHEE: That's a good...

BLOUNT: I'm wearing some right now.

CHEE: Oh.

JACKSON: (Laughter).

CHEE: And, listeners, Roy looks so good.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: No, I know.

CHEE: It's true, though I kind of feel bad for the Levi's vice president, who heard denim was coming in style and ordered, like, way too many button flies.

JACKSON: (Laughter).

CHEE: Nobody likes those.

JACKSON: No.

CHEE: And I have to pee right now.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: My wedding's a viral affair. Vows are said. I'll go change over there. I am switching my dresses and also my tresses. Between acts, I'll be cutting my...

COLIN: Hair.

KURTIS: Yeah.

CHEE: Correct.

KURTIS: Good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: This week, we learned about a trend where, between the ceremony and the reception, brides get a dramatic haircut. It's perfect because, as every woman knows, nothing says I feel good about how my life is going like a big, impulsive hair change.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: I think that that's so funny because I know a lot of women who have, like, grown their hair out for their weddings. But I think it would be so fun if just, like, men just started shaving right before they came out. And it's like, the mustache was for the wedding, and now I'm ready to be clean shaven.

CHEE: (Laughter).

JACKSON: And people are going to be like, I don't like your face.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: You tricked me.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: You can spend $600 million on a wedding and then shave off your mustache, and you got to start all over again.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: My ample posterior charms cause grief for most airport gendarmes. Their full-body scan gets stuck on my can 'cause my booty is cause for...

COLIN: Alarm?

CHEE: Yes.

KURTIS: Alarm it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Alarm it is.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: According to one TSA agent, you are decidedly more likely to set off an alarm while going through airport security if you have a big butt. It could be a software glitch, or it could be that a false alarm is a computer's version of pulling down its sunglasses and going, damn.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: That's so fun. I mean, like, I wish I could get stopped. It's the only time that I've ever been like, damn, TSA, please pull me over. But...

CHEE: (Laughter).

JACKSON: ...I don't have it. I don't have the goods. I don't have a BBL.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Well, my...

KONDABOLU: My BBL?

CHEE: You don't know what that stands for?

KONDABOLU: No.

CHEE: Oh.

BLOUNT: I don't either.

CHEE: What?

JACKSON: (Laughter).

CHEE: Do you know what that stands for?

UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE MEMBER: Brazilian butt lift.

CHEE: Thank you.

KONDABOLU: Oh, Brazilian butt lift.

CHEE: Yeah, yeah.

BLOUNT: Oh, OK. All right.

CHEE: I asked 'cause I...

KONDABOLU: I was too busy, like, reading books.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Sorry. I'm sorry about that.

(APPLAUSE)

CHEE: Hey.

KONDABOLU: Did George Saunders mention that in a recent...

JACKSON: Listen. Big booty people read books.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: That is, like, something we should put on a tote bag for NPR.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: All right. Bill, how did Kristen do?

KURTIS: Kristen gets to stay at her university because she got them all right.

JACKSON: Yeah.

CHEE: Yay.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: Kristen, congratulations. Thank you so much for playing.

COLIN: Thanks. That was fun.

DESTINY'S CHILD: Kelly, can you handle this? Michelle, can you handle this?

CHEE: Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill In The Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth 2 points. Bill, can you give us the score?

KURTIS: I can. Roy and Hari each have three, and Shantira has two.

CHEE: Ooh. Shantira, you're in third place, so we're going to put you up first.

JACKSON: OK.

CHEE: The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the jury in the corruption trial of senator blank found him guilty on 16 accounts.

JACKSON: Is it Menendez?

CHEE: Yes. Correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: This week, California became the first state to ban rules requiring schools to notify parents if their child's blank changes.

JACKSON: Pronouns.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: On Monday, severe storms led to blanks touching down throughout the Midwest.

JACKSON: Tornadoes.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: This week, for the first time in the tournament's history, riders in the Tour de France were caught blanking during the race.

JACKSON: Eating Snickers bars.

CHEE: Oh, I'm going to give it to you. Passing around a bag of peanut M&M's.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

JACKSON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: Protein.

CHEE: This week, former CNN conservative commentator blank died at 78.

JACKSON: Not the one I wanted.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: Dobbs.

CHEE: Right.

KURTIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: On Wednesday, the FDA warned consumers about potentially contaminated bottles of ink used for blank.

JACKSON: Pins.

CHEE: Oh, tattoos.

JACKSON: Oh.

CHEE: This week, a flight attendant went above and beyond...

(SOUNDBITE OF GOING)

CHEE: ...When she had to blank for an entire flight.

JACKSON: Listen to a lady talk about her grandchildren.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: That sounds worse than the actual answer, which is hold a broken bathroom door closed.

BLOUNT: Oh.

JACKSON: (Laughter) Oh.

CHEE: Three minutes into a 16-hour flight...

BLOUNT: Ah.

CHEE: ...From Hong Kong to New York City, one of the bathroom doors came off its hinges and fully fell off, and she had to hold it in place the rest of the way.

BLOUNT: Ah.

JACKSON: Oh.

CHEE: It's surprising there isn't a door-reattachment training with how common it is for those things to fall off these days.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Bill, how did Shantira do?

KURTIS: Shantira did well. Five right, 10 more points, total of 12.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: All right. Roy and Hari, you're tied. So I will pick Roy. You're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the FBI expressed concern over retaliatory attacks following the assassination attempt on blank.

BLOUNT: On Donald Trump.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: This week, NASA confirmed that a blank passed over New York City.

BLOUNT: A cloud of depression.

CHEE: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: A meteor.

BLOUNT: Oh.

CHEE: After 34 years in operation, the iconic Mirage hotel in blank closed down.

BLOUNT: Vegas.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: On Tuesday, a judge ruled that Minnesota can't bar adults under the age of 21 from carrying blanks.

BLOUNT: Guns.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: Even though England lost the European soccer championship to Spain, an English fan says he doesn't regret blanking before the game.

BLOUNT: Betting his house.

CHEE: Ooh, kind of similar. He says he doesn't regret getting a tattoo that says, England - Euro 2024 winners.

BLOUNT: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: On Thursday, comedy legend and sitcom star blank died at the age of 94.

BLOUNT: Bob Newhart.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: This week, an animal shelter in New York said that over 400 people have applied to adopt blank.

BLOUNT: Puppies.

CHEE: Ooh, a parrot who swears a lot.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: When the animal shelter was given the swearing parrot, they made a Facebook post asking if anyone wanted to adopt it and were shocked when over 400 people did.

BLOUNT: Four hundred people said, [expletive] yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Bill, how did Roy do?

KURTIS: Roy got four right for eight more points - totaled of 11. But Roy still trails Shantira, who has 12.

CHEE: And Bill, how many does Hari need to win?

KURTIS: Well, five to win, Hari.

CHEE: All right, Hari, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Monday, Judge Aileen Cannon dismissed Donald Trump's blank case.

KONDABOLU: The documents case.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: According to sources, President Biden is seriously considering endorsing changes to the blank.

KONDABOLU: The Supreme Court.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: This week, the White House announced another round of blank debt forgiveness.

KONDABOLU: Student loan?

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: On Tuesday, Tesla CEO blank said he was moving his companies out of California.

KONDABOLU: Elon Musk.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: This week, South Korea announced it was cracking down on anyone attempting to bring blank into the country.

KONDABOLU: North Korean candy.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: The answer is Trader Joe's Everything But The Bagel seasoning.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: That's...

BLOUNT: Oh.

KONDABOLU: ...Amazing.

BLOUNT: Yeah.

CHEE: On Monday, five cases of blank flu were confirmed in Colorado.

KONDABOLU: Avian flu?

CHEE: Correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: On Wednesday, with 25 total nominations, "Shogun" led the nominees for the 2024 blank awards.

KONDABOLU: Emmys.

CHEE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHEE: In order to help protect trees from excessive logging, some environmentalists in Kenya...

(SOUNDBITE OF GOING)

CHEE: ...Have started blanking.

KONDABOLU: Putting spikes all over the trees covered in poison.

CHEE: Oh, similar. It's filling the trees with bees.

(LAUGHTER)

JACKSON: How "Loony Tunes" is that?

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: In Kenya, mangrove trees have been over-forested, putting the ecosystem at risk. But now a group of environmentalists finally found a solution that works - just hide beehives in all of the trees. Bill, did Hari do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Very well. Six right, 12 more points. 15 gives him the win.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict - after the world's most expensive wedding - what will be the next event somebody spends $600 million on.

WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, benevolent overlord. Philip Godika writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shayna Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater. B.J. Leiderman composed our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornbos and Lillian King. Special thanks to Monica Hickey and Blythe Roberson. Peter Gwinn is our food critic. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Neuhaus. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag, and the executive producer of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME is Mike Danforth.

Now, panel, what will be the next $600 million event? Roy.

BLOUNT: The divorce proceedings.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Shantira.

JACKSON: A billionaire going somewhere they're not supposed to. They've already been to space and into the ocean. Next is the center of the Earth (laughter).

KURTIS: Ooh.

BLOUNT: Ah.

CHEE: And Hari.

KONDABOLU: Bill Gates' Melinda-please-come-back party.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

CHEE: Thank you, Bill Kurtis. And thanks also to Roy Blount Jr., Shantira Jackson and Hari Kondabolu. And thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Karen Chee, in for Peter Sagal, and we will see you next week.

(CHEERING)

CHEE: This is NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.