'Wait Wait' for June 8, 2024: With Not My Job guest Charlamagne tha God

Transcript

JENNIFER MILLS, BYLINE: The following program was taped in front of an audience of real, live people.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. It's officially hot Bill summer.

(CHEERING)

KURTIS: I am Bill Kurtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Thank you so much.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you. It's so good to be back with you all. I have missed you, and we have brought a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Charlamagne tha God, who started as a radio host and is now a media tycoon and global superstar. And I'm just going to say, I would have done that, too, but nobody told me you could.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So maybe I'll get some tips from him, but in the meantime, you can get something out of a moment on the air. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

VERONICA NUNES-GREEN: Hi, this is Veronica Nunes-Green from North Reading, Mass...

SAGAL: I know North...

VERONICA: ...About 20 minutes north...

SAGAL: Oh, you don't need...

VERONICA: ...Of Boston.

SAGAL: ...To tell me that, girlfriend. I know where...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I know where North Reading is, and I know it's not North Reading. What do you do there?

VERONICA: When I'm not spending time with my two little girls and my rescue pittie, I am - I work in marketing, and I'm a professional makeup artist.

SAGAL: Oh, you are. Well, what kind of work...

VERONICA: Yes.

SAGAL: ...Is there for professional makeup artists in North Reading, which - again, I know well - is not a media capital?

VERONICA: No, a lot of bridal work, tons...

SAGAL: Bridal work.

VERONICA: ...Of bridal work.

SAGAL: You must have seen, working all these weddings, just a lot of trauma, dysfunction and horror, is what I'm thinking.

(LAUGHTER)

VERONICA: Seen some interesting things, interesting characters - but everyone's just happy that you're there to make them look good.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Veronica. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, he's a reporter who now writes the Style Memo for The Washington Post. It's Shane O'Neill.

SHANE O'NEILL: Hi, Veronica.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Next, he's an Emmy and Peabody Award-winning journalist and comedian. It's Alzo Slade.

ALZO SLADE: Hey. What's up, Veronica?

(APPLAUSE)

VERONICA: Hello.

SAGAL: And finally, a comedian and writer you can follow on Instagram @karencheee to find out where you can see her live, it's Karen Chee.

(CHEERING)

VERONICA: Hi.

KAREN CHEE: Hey, Veronica.

SAGAL: So, Veronica, I bet you know this, but you're going to start us off with Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is going to read or perform for you three quotations we found in the week's news. Your job - correctly identify or explain just two of them - just two - and we will give you our prize, the voice of anyone you might want from our show on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

VERONICA: Do this.

SAGAL: Let's do it. Your first quote is someone downplaying the supposed negative side effects of a new drug.

KURTIS: I've only experienced increased libido.

SAGAL: That person was talking about the first-ever birth control that might soon be available to whom?

VERONICA: Men.

SAGAL: Yes, men.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: I think I was going to explain how hard it is to get men to use birth control, but just from the way you said the word men...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...I think you already know. A new gel developed by the NIH is the most promising birth control for men yet found. We may finally have a replacement for the current, most effective method - want to watch me play video games?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it's a hormonal gel that men will be able to rub into their shoulders once a day. Yeah. That sounds about right. Woman's birth control is a surgically implanted paper clip, and the men get a back rub.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: Wait. So it's a gel that's really rubbed on the shoulder.

SAGAL: You really rub it on your shoulders. Yes.

SLADE: I'ma let some other dudes try that first. I'm not...

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: ...Trusting that right away.

SAGAL: Wait a minute. Hold on. Again, men - famously not interested in birth control, but you're like, a shoulder rub. No way.

SLADE: No, it's not the shoulder rub. I just don't trust that it works.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: This is the first time I've heard about this. So let me get this straight. This is - you rub it on your shoulders, and then you turn gay?

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: That would be an effective form of birth control.

O'NEILL: I mean, it's the most effective one...

SAGAL: Yeah.

O'NEILL: ...I've ever encountered.

SAGAL: Well, I think, Shane...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...It really depends on who rubs your shoulders, if you know what I mean.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: Well, Peter, I have very strong hands.

SAGAL: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: But as a woman, you have to really trust that this man is rubbing his own shoulders every morning, right?

SAGAL: Yeah.

CHEE: Like, that's - the trust issue, for me, is not the science. It's that, like, men are not even washing their bedsheets.

SAGAL: Sure. No. Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's a lot to ask. Now, the medication is - it's very promising, but it does have some flaws. For instance, it requires men to do something.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No other technologies work because studies show, time and time again, men refuse to do anything even mildly inconvenient. So we are just a few short years away from men saying, no, baby. It just feels better without shoulder gel.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Veronica, your next quote is a description of a brand-new spaceship that launched into orbit this week.

KURTIS: It's got inadequate software testing, corroded valves, flammable tape, a weak parachute system and a helium leak.

SAGAL: That was from The New York Times, cataloging just some of the problems with the new rocket that was built by what company?

VERONICA: Boeing?

SAGAL: Boeing. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: When you are about to launch into space, you want to hear inspiring words like, we are go for launch or to infinity and beyond. You do not want to hear, well, fingers crossed.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On the other hand, Boeing has finally built an aircraft that is supposed to land in the middle of the ocean.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: So this is - like, they've been having all these trouble with their airplanes.

SAGAL: Yes.

O'NEILL: And now they're like, well, we're going to build a spaceship.

SAGAL: Well, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This has been going on. Of course, I mean, you don't just build a spaceship in a day. They had this...

O'NEILL: Maybe you don't.

SAGAL: Well, OK.

CHEE: Boeing does.

SAGAL: They've had this contract in a while to build this particular rocket ship, and it was plagued by a lot of problems, right?

O'NEILL: Isn't this sort of the equivalent of, like, well, we had a bad first date. Let's get married.

SAGAL: Yeah, pretty much.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Boeing says this mission is that the spaceship was supposed to go up and dock with the ISS, deliver some much-needed supplies and then safely land on Earth directly on top of a Boeing whistleblower.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: Oh, no.

(APPLAUSE)

SLADE: Why do they keep building these rockets? They're really trying to send regular folks to space to...

SAGAL: Yeah. Yeah.

SLADE: I'm not going.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: You don't want a back rub. You don't want a rocket ship.

SLADE: No.

O'NEILL: What do you want?

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: 'Cause, you know, they're trying to put people on Mars. But, you know, we fell for that trick already 'cause they're going to take us there, then they're going to make us - the Black and brown people - build it up. And then they're going to live there.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: I'm like, we should warn the aliens.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: By the way, Bill was quoting from some - an article that was published last weekend, before the launch on Wednesday. And afterwards, as they were, like, going up into space, they found two more helium leaks. And that's why astronaut Suni Williams had to call NASA and say, (impersonating high-pitched voice) Houston, we have a problem.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: Ah.

SAGAL: But they made it. I want everybody to know they made it. They made it to the space station. They docked, and they delivered their cargo, which - believe it or not - was important parts to repair the astronauts' urine processor.

CHEE: That's...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: I'm genuinely impressed that they were able to get all the supplies there 'cause everybody knows you can't bring more than three fluid ounces onto a Boeing.

SAGAL: True.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Veronica, your last quote is what people are asking about a rising star in the soft drink business.

KURTIS: Does it contain prune juice? Was there an actual doctor?

SAGAL: So after decades of Coke versus Pepsi, for the first time ever, another soda has overtaken Pepsi and become the second most popular soda in America, which one?

VERONICA: Dr Pepper.

SAGAL: Dr Pepper. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Oh, it's got fans here. Apparently, they're everywhere.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: After spending years deep down in the rankings - in the minor leagues, if you will - Dr Pepper has now passed Pepsi for the number two spot just behind Coke. This is huge news for fans of Dr Pepper and anybody placing bets in the weirdest section of DraftKings.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: I just know Dr Pepper's parents are just like, finally, that Ph.D. paid off.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, wait a minute. You think he's one of those - you think Dr Pepper is one of those incredibly annoying Ph.D.s who insists on being...

CHEE: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...Referred to as Doctor.

CHEE: And it's, like, got it in literature. You're like, you shouldn't be called a doctor.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: OK. This isn't a joke. This is just a fact.

CHEE: OK.

O'NEILL: I've a very good friend. Her name is Alison Pepper (ph). Her father is a surgeon named Dr. Pepper.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: And he's number two in the country.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: But he also had another child named Elizabeth, who also became a doctor. And I have never forgiven her for not becoming a dietitian because then it could have been Dr. Pepper and Diet Dr. Pepper in the same thing.

SAGAL: Oh.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Veronica do in her quiz?

KURTIS: Veronica is a Pepper person. And she got three in a row. She's a winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Veronica.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BE A PEPPER")

DAVID NAUGHTON: (Singing) I drink Dr Pepper and I'm proud. I used to be alone and in a crowd. But now you look around these days. There seems to be a Dr Pepper craze. I'm a Pepper. He's a Pepper. She's a Pepper. We're a Pepper. Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?

SAGAL: Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Shane, there are registries, of course, for baby showers and bridal showers and weddings. But the newest trend is making a registry so people can buy you gifts to celebrate your what?

O'NEILL: Divorce.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

O'NEILL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to The Washington Post, divorce registries are becoming more and more common. Just like wedding registries, you fill out a list of things you need, and then your friends and family can shop for them as presents. You know, how adorable to get that monogrammed hand towel that just says his.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: I think there needs to be a time period, though. So how long is it between the wedding and the divorce? Because I'm not buying you two gifts if you just got married two years ago.

SAGAL: Right.

SLADE: Like, I want the gift that I gave you back at that point.

(APPLAUSE)

O'NEILL: I don't plan on getting married...

SAGAL: OK.

O'NEILL: ...Which means I also don't plan on getting divorced.

SLADE: Well, you're missing out on all the gifts, bro.

O'NEILL: Well, this is...

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: That's exactly what I'm saying. Where's my you're-just-kind-of-slutty registry?

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: Well, I'll give you some shoulder cream.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: I don't really...

SLADE: You don't need it.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "STRONGER (WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU)")

KELLY CLARKSON: (Singing) You know the bed feels warmer...

SAGAL: Coming up, our panelists are in the doghouse. It's our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.

(SOUNDBITYE OF MUSIC)

KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Shane O'Neill, Alzo Slade and Karen Chee. And here again, is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Right now, look at the clock. It's time for the WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. You can call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play any of our games on the air, or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at @WaitWaitNPR to learn how to get in touch.

Hi. You are on WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

KAREN FINK: Hi, Peter. My name is Karen Fink (ph), and I'm calling from San Diego, Calif.

SAGAL: Beautiful San Diego. I do love it there. What do you do there?

FINK: I'm a director of accounting for a local hotel group.

SAGAL: OK. So are you like - none of these big chain hotels - one of these quirky hotels.

FINK: No, it's a family-owned - small, family-owned company.

SAGAL: Right. So you don't have, like, the blandness. You have, like, little things like, you know, beautiful little personal touches and bloodstains on the walls. It's great.

(LAUGHTER)

FINK: Absolutely. There - yeah. Beautiful, very unique, lovely hotel.

SAGAL: OK. Well, welcome to the show, Karen. You're going to play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Karen's topic?

KURTIS: Hey, dog, you're fired.

SAGAL: Now, dogs, of course, are man's best friend, but with all the things dogs can do, they are also man's best coworker. Like, this is Fluffy. She's my pet - also, my work wife.

Well, this week, we heard about a dog who somehow managed to lose its job. Our panelists are going to tell you about that. Pick the real story, you will win the WAIT WAIT-er of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

FINK: Absolutely.

SAGAL: First, let's hear from Alzo Slade.

SLADE: Silas Claiborne of Quincy, Fla., went viral in a TikTok video, ranting about how his new hunting dog, quote, "ain't worth a hill of beans." The wealthy rancher had bragged to his hunting buddies about his new English Springer Spaniel named Peter, bred for his ability to find, flush out and retrieve game birds.

But from the moment he arrived at the ranch, Peter started acting weird. He wouldn't wear a leather collar. He growled at people wearing fur. And the last straw was when finally, on a hunting trip, Peter ran into the bush to retrieve his master's prey and came back with a mouthful of berries and leaves.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: Silas' buddies, bursting with laughter, gave him the dreaded news. Silas, buddy, you got a vegan dog.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: That's why he turned its snout up and started barking lectures at our dogs.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: It was only then that Silas found out the dog was bred in Portland, Ore., by a new-age couple who raised Peter as a vegan. He also found out that he was mispronouncing his name, which was actually PETA (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A bird dog turns out to be a vegan and not interested in hunting birds. Your next dog tale comes from Shane O'Neill.

O'NEILL: A prison in Brazil has had it with its demanding and entitled guard dogs. Marcos Souza, the prison director of the Sao Pedro de Alcantara prison in southeastern Brazil, says he was spending a fortune on vet bills and fancy food for the facility's Belgian Shepherds, which cost $7,000 apiece. They also took several naps a day.

O'NEILL: The solution - fire the dogs and hire a flock of geese.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: The idea came during a barbecue, when an aggressive flock of geese charged prison officials. The territorial birds are loud enough to alert guards and scary enough to deter escapes. The geese are happy with rice, and they never get sick, Souza said of his new hires. Even better, they can't be bought off. They hate everyone, said Souza.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: They have zero loyalty, even to the people who feed them every single day. When asked for comment, one of the goose guards replied, (vocalizing) honk.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Good. Good. That's a good goose. The guard dogs at a Brazilian prison get fired, to be replaced by guard geese. Your last story of a canine without a W-9 comes from Karen Chee.

CHEE: Hi, Karen. My name is also Karen, so I think you should pick me.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: OK. Here we go. News channel France 24 led their broadcast on Monday with the story of Pepito, a 9-year-old farm dog in Provence who was fired for neglecting his herding duties and instead acting like a chicken. A video shows Pepito, who lives on a chicken farm, howling at sunrise alongside the rooster crowing and attempting to peck at feed along with the chickens and bumping his snout. Most unfortunately, Pepito also keeps sitting on the eggs and breaking all of them.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: This is actually a rare but documented phenomenon, where if you put an animal - usually as a baby - around another species, they will take on the habits of said species. Dr Violette Feline - yes, that's her real name...

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Violette Feline is a veterinary researcher at the Ecole de Ferme (ph), and she told the station, this isn't that abnormal. It's only surprising because it happened to Pepito as a middle-aged dog. It turns out, you can teach an old dog new tricks. Whoa.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Here are your choices. Which of these are the real story of a dog or dogs that lost their jobs? From Alzo, a bird dog that turned out to be a vegan; from Shane, a Brazilian prison replaced all of its expensive and lazy guard dogs with cheap and vicious geese; or from Karen Chee, a farm dog in France that lost its job because it seemed to think it was a chicken.

CHEE: Well, you know, we Karens really should be sticking together, but I think I'm going to have to go with Shane's story.

SAGAL: You're going to go with Shane's story of a Brazilian prison that fired all of its guard dogs and replaced them with geese. Well, all right.

FINK: Yes.

SAGAL: To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone who knows all about this story.

SAMANTHA PEARSON: At a prison in Southern Brazil, they're now using geese as guards instead of dogs.

SAGAL: That was Samantha Pearson...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...The Brazilian correspondent for The Wall Street Journal, who actually broke the story on the guard geese. Congratulations, Karen. You were wise...

FINK: Thank you.

SAGAL: ...Not to trust someone named Karen...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...And pick Shane because you have won our prize. You've won a point for him, and you get the voicemail of anyone you might like. Congratulations.

FINK: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: Thank you.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DOG DAYS ARE OVER")

FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE: (Singing) She hid around corners, and she hid under beds. The dog days are over. The dog days are done.

SAGAL: And now the game we call Not My Job. When Lenard McKelvey got his first big job in radio back around 2006, he decided to use the street name he came up with when he was a teenager, Charlamagne tha God. Eighteen years later, he is the host of The Breakfast Club national morning show. He's a podcaster, a producer, a publisher, the author of three books. His latest, "Get Honest Or Die Lying," is out now. Charlamagne tha God, welcome to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

(CHEERING)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Yes, sir.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right.

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: It's actually Lenard McKelvey, and I've been doing radio for 26 years.

KURTIS: Whoa.

SAGAL: Well, there you are, man. You just nailed me. You see, this actually - this gets right to my first concern 'cause you are an extremely well-known and expert interviewer. And you pride yourself on your preparation, which I clearly did not. But you were also known for, like, having that great first question that gets right to the heart of the most important issues. So what should I ask you right now?

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Well, if you would have asked me this question 20 years ago, my answer might have been different. But I think the most important question that you can ask people first nowadays is, how are you?

SAGAL: All right. I'll go with that. How are you?

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Well, you know, today has been a very rough day, man. I've been having panic attack after panic attack. And, you know, right now I'm a little gassy, and I'm trying to get, you know...

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: ...Home so I can use the bathroom. See, I - by the way, I made all of that up just now, but what I was trying to teach you is that when you ask somebody how they are, you have to be ready for a real answer.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah.

SLADE: Yeah, we would've...

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: I might - it means I'm...

SAGAL: I mean, this is a cultural thing, Charlamagne. I'm Jewish. I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I wanted to go - I've been reading your new book, which is the - your third book. You do mention, though, that when you were growing up, you were really a nerd, right? That's why you had to become, when you were on the street, Charlamagne tha God. So define nerdy for me.

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Fantastic question. You know, back then, I was the guy, you know, wearing glasses, and, you know, I had the fanny pack and, like, you know...

SAGAL: Like, were you, like, so nerdy you were into NPR? That's what I was getting at.

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: No. I mean, I - well, I'll put it like this. I was...

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: ...In sixth grade. I loved Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary.

CHEE: Aw.

SAGAL: Yeah. I love that.

CHEE: Yeah.

SAGAL: That's one of my favorite stories about you is that you loved Judy Blume as a kid - well, that's, right there, a good sign - and that you - one of your dreams come true is when you got to actually interview Judy Blume in your show.

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Yes, man. Well, I - well, you know, it started out a little bit before that because I speak about Judy Blume so much because, to me, Judy Blume is just an amazing storyteller. I look at Judy Blume the same way I look at Jay-Z. And she actually sent me autograph. She sent me and my oldest daughter autographed copies of "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" maybe, like, five years ago. And I really thought my team was playing a trick on me. I was like, this is not real. Like, I don't believe that she really autographed these books. One of y'all did it. Let me look at your fingers so I can see the marker on it.

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: But she asked to meet me in New York. And, you know, it's, like, one of those things where you grow up reading so much of a person's work and reading so much about a person, you feel like you already know them when you meet them. And it was like me and her just had an instant connection.

SAGAL: That's awesome. Have - I know you know him, so have you ever said to Jay-Z, you know, you're a storyteller, just like Judy Blume?

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: No. No, I never did. I never did.

SAGAL: Maybe give that a try. He - you know, he's got kids now. He might go for it.

SLADE: No. He should tell Judy Blume she's a storyteller like Jay-Z.

SAGAL: Well, that's what he did.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So...

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: I have, though. That I've done. I've definitely done that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Yeah. That's the easier one, right?

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: I've definitely done that.

SAGAL: Yeah. So in your new book, "Get Honest Or Die Lying," you tell a story about your early days in morning radio. And is it really true that a rival show sent over three guys to jump you?

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: The funny thing - that wasn't even a morning radio show that sent that. That was a evening show, a late night show. But I want the record to show I almost got jumped.

SAGAL: Yes. You can watch the video.

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: I didn't get jumped 'cause I skedaddled...

SAGAL: Yeah.

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: ...OK?

SAGAL: It was...

SLADE: Yeah.

SAGAL: You were a pretty spry, I thought. But, you know, you go to - so - but again, I - like, that kind of street cred you cannot buy. So how do I get, like, Steve Inskeep to send his boys after me?

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Well...

SLADE: I would hope you could whoop any of Steve Inskeep's team.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So for people that don't know, your show, which you cohost, "The Breakfast Club," has become an absolute must-stop for anybody on any kind of publicity tour - if you're selling an album, if you're selling a film, if you're selling yourself as a candidate. And do you know how you achieved that, to be the guy that everybody has to be interviewed by?

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: I don't know if I'm the guy that everybody has to be interviewed by, but I do know that the reason I'm able to interview so many diverse people is because of my mother. And the one piece of advice that she gave me, you know, when I was a kid was read things that don't pertain to you. So that just makes me a very naturally curious person. And being that I'm a naturally curious person, I have a fantastic job that just allows me to, you know, have conversations with a lot of these people that I've either read about or, you know, a lot of these that people that I would like to, you know, learn more from.

SAGAL: I'm going to ask you a very sincere question 'cause I've been interviewing people for a long time, but there's one thing I always struggle with, and I don't know if you do. I'm always worried about offending the person I'm talking to - make them angry. And sometimes that keeps me from, like, maybe asking the right question. How do you deal with that?

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Security - making sure that there's security in the building...

SAGAL: OK. All right.

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: You know?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, Charlamagne tha God, it is great talking to you. And we've invited you here to play a game we're calling...

KURTIS: Charlamagne tha God, Meet These Other Gods.

SAGAL: Since you're a god, we figured out we should ask you about some other gods you may have met in the pantheon - the obscure, lesser-known ones from around the world. Answer two out of three questions correctly, you will win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Charlamagne tha God playing for?

KURTIS: Larry Wood (ph) of Tampa, Fla.

SAGAL: All right. You get two out of three right, and he wins a voice for his voicemail. That's what's at stake. Here we go. In the Norse pantheon, Charlamagne, the god Saehrimnir had a specific role to play for the other gods there in Asgard. What was it? A, he provided them with unlimited amounts of bacon; B, he had to clean up after all the orgies; or, C, he was the gods' accountant.

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Saehrimnir. OK. I know Loki. I know Thor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm just going to say this one has not shown up in the MCU.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But it would...

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: OK.

SAGAL: ...Be pretty cool if it did, in my opinion. OK.

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: I don't believe any of those choices are true, but I'm just going to jump out there on a limb and say janitorial services.

SAGAL: No. It was actually bacon.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Really?

SAGAL: This god was the holy boar. And every night at their feast, the other gods would eat him. And then the next morning, he'd wake up alive again to do it all over.

SLADE: Don't make me a god if that's the case.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER).

SAGAL: This is not one of the better gods. All right. You still have two more chances here, and we are fans. So next question, the Greeks had a god for everything. They had, you know, Ares for war, you know, Athena for knowledge, et cetera. But they had one lesser-known god whose specialty was guarding over what? A, first dates; B, takeout food; or, C, anything the other gods didn't cover.

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: You know, this really does sound like Marvel characters that just got left on the cutting room floor.

SAGAL: Yeah. I know. I know.

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: I'ma say the Greek god of things that the other gods didn't cover.

SAGAL: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: He was known as like - he was known as the Unknown God, and the Greeks would pray to this god whenever there wasn't an appropriate god for whatever their problem was. So it was like when you do your expenses, and you end up with a little amount of miscellaneous. He was the god of that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. One more question. You get this right, you're a big winner. Here we go. The Roman goddess Cloacina was the god in charge of what? A, weight loss and dieting; B, the sewers; or C, stand-up comedians.

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Oh, I actually know this one. She was the god of the sewers because she was the goddess of filth.

SAGAL: That is exactly...

KURTIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...Right...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Charlamagne. She was. The Romans, of course, had very advanced sewers, and they were very proud of them. And Cloacina was, as you say, the goddess of filth and beauty together. That was really impressive. Did you, like, run into her in the god, like, clubhouse? I don't know how you knew that.

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: No. You know what's so funny - because of the Marvel universe, you know, I look up stuff like that. Like, I've always - like, I'm not going to say always like I'm some Greek god expert. Like, I would lose on "Jeopardy!" bad. But...

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: You know, there's just certain ones that just stick out. And I just remember, you know, Cloacina being the god - the goddess of filth.

SAGAL: That is absolutely impressive. Bill, how did Charlamagne tha God do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Two out of three means that Charlamagne is a god.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Absolutely. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Charlamagne, you're a gentleman and the master of your art. Charlamagne tha God is one of the hosts of The Breakfast Club, and his new book, "Get Honest Or Die Lying," is out now. A lot of things to learn in it. Charlamagne tha God, thank you so much for joining us on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

(CHEERING)

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Man, thank you for having me on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

(CROSSTALK)

SAGAL: Take care.

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Thank you very much.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET")

THE MR T EXPERIENCE: (Singing) Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret. And I'm so scared, God.

SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill says it's his duty to tell you about his favorite museum in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Alzo Slade, Shane O'Neill and Karen Chee. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater, Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.

SAGAL: Thank you, Bill.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill's punishment fits the rhyme. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Alzo, there's a new debate erupting online - whether or not people are required to do what while at the grocery store?

SLADE: Buy something.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. Most people believe that if you go to the grocery store, you should be buying something. Why else go?

SLADE: I just look around, you know.

SAGAL: Really?

SLADE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Just, like, wandering up and down the aisles.

SLADE: ...Smelling the bread to see if it's bread.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: ...Licking the fruit...

SLADE: You know what I mean?

CHEE: ...So you know it's fresh.

SLADE: Yeah, exactly. Can I have a hint, please?

SAGAL: Yeah. Well, you know, sometimes it's hard because one of the wheels is broken.

SLADE: Oh. Put the grocery cart back in the little corral thing.

SAGAL: Exactly, to return the shopping cart.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SLADE: Yes.

SAGAL: It's a fierce debate going on, OK?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's a fierce debate raging between those who believe you should always return the cart to the store or the corral and those who will spend eternity having their flesh torn from them by demons.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So one woman on TikTok made a pretty reasonable argument why she doesn't do it. She said, quote, "I'm not getting my groceries into my car, getting my children into the car and leaving them in the car to go return the cart." But here's the thing - and I'm being serious - I do that all the time.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And in the extremely unlikely chance that somebody leaps into the car and drives off with my kids during the 90 seconds I'm away, well, Teddy gets two naps a day, and Elliott will not eat anything but french fries. Enjoy yourself.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, the exception to the rule is the Costco parking lot.

CHEE: Yes.

SAGAL: Everybody knows at the Costco parking lot, you are parked so far away from the store that it's actually just as easy to push the cart back to your house.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: No. I was going to say the Costco parking lot is one of the only places that puts corrals all around the parking...

SLADE: They do.

CHEE: ...Lot. It's very thoughtful, Costco. They're a very good...

SLADE: Yeah.

CHEE: ...Company.

SAGAL: Yeah.

CHEE: And if they're listening, I'd love to be sponsored.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, no. Costco...

CHEE: I've got jokes in bulk.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. I was about to say Costco wouldn't sponsor a comedian. They'd sponsor 50 comedians.

SLADE: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And you'd have to go see them all.

CHEE: Yeah (laughter).

SAGAL: Shane, last week, a researcher in the U.K. revealed the key to long life in men. All you have to do is what?

O'NEILL: Listen to your wife...

(CHEERING)

O'NEILL: ...Sucker.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. That's not it.

O'NEILL: Can I have a hint, please?

SAGAL: I will. You'll live longer, and maybe you'll end up with a beautiful soprano voice.

O'NEILL: Oh, castrate yourself.

SAGAL: Yes. Castratration is...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...The secret...

O'NEILL: Ah.

SLADE: Oh, no, sir.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: Peter, you don't have to say anything else. There's no - don't even explain it, Peter.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The researcher said to an audience of men, slowly crossing their legs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And then the men were like, do you have anything we could just rub on our shoulders, please?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And the evidence about this is so convincing that this researcher refers to testicles - and this is true - as two little death nuggets.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: Well, give me the barbecue sauce.

SAGAL: I was about to say...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So the way it works is...

O'NEILL: Oh, we know how it works.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: Get a rubber band and some kitchen scissors.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONNY LESTER'S "FOR STRIPPERS ONLY")

SAGAL: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

You can catch us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. But next week, be sure to join us Thursday, June 13 in Millennium Park for a free show outdoors. And yes, I did say free. And later this month, if you don't want to come all the way to Chicago, you can see us at the glorious Mann Center in Philadelphia on June 27. For tickets and information for all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org.

Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JENNIFER: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

JENNIFER: This is Jennifer (ph) from Greensboro, N.C.

SAGAL: Oh, beautiful Greensboro. I love it by proxy. What do you do there?

JENNIFER: I am a lawyer.

SAGAL: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, I'm sorry. That's too easy. It's too easy. It's too easy. Although, I will tell you a story I once told somebody about my brother. I said, he's a lawyer. And the guy gave me a face. And I said, no, no, no. He's one of the good ones. And the guy said, oh, when did he pass away?

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: He's right.

SAGAL: Can I quickly - what kind of law do you do, Jennifer?

JENNIFER: Well, actually, my kids call me a death lawyer.

SAGAL: Oh, God.

SLADE: Really?

JENNIFER: I do (laughter) estate planning and estate administration.

SAGAL: Oh. So, yeah, that's great.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What's great for you is, like, if you have a client and the client dies, your business with them is not over. That's great.

JENNIFER: Indeed.

SAGAL: Well, Jennifer, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on just two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

JENNIFER: I am.

SAGAL: You are. Here is your first limerick.

KURTIS: Many dogs will just lurk out of sight. They jump out and give mailmen a fright. Now the USPS has quantified stress. They've ranked ZIP codes by dogs, and their...

JENNIFER: Bite.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes. Bite.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a new survey released by the U.S. Post Office, the city with the most incidents of dogs biting mail carriers is - drum roll, please - Los Angeles. Congratulations.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Now, San Francisco...

SLADE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...Is way down the list because there the dogs bite email servers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And at the bottom of the list is Portland, Ore., because, as you heard earlier, there the dogs are vegan.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Post Office did this 'cause they want us to know that there were 5,000 incidents of postal carriers getting bit last year, and they want us to take steps to reduce them. OK, fine, Post Office. We'll keep the dogs inside. But have you ever considered making your employees less delicious?

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: Los Angeles is the winner.

SAGAL: Los Angeles is the winner.

O'NEILL: I'm sorry. If my post carrier tried to pitch me on a screenplay, I'd bite them, too.

SAGAL: That's probably what's going on.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: In my pink, fluffy skirt and my new shoes, my gym buddies all say, you do you. Not just for ballet but for squats on leg day, in the weight room, I'm wearing a...

JENNIFER: Tutu.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Tutu.

KURTIS: You win.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: I thought so.

JENNIFER: (Laughter).

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Women at the gym are ditching boring, old, you know, leggings for frilly skirts and tutus. As one Atlanta woman put it, quote, "all of a sudden, I'm a fairy princess running through a forest and not this out-of-shape mess on a treadmill," unquote.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: As a bonus, wearing a tutu to the gym, ladies, gives men something to comment on beside the ways your form is wrong.

(LAUGHTER)

O'NEILL: I've been doing this for years.

SAGAL: Wearing a tutu?

O'NEILL: Yeah. I just don't go to the gym.

SAGAL: No. OK. Well...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...You're ahead of the curve. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Ancient dinosaur scat I have scooped. Some survived as a brown swirly swoop. I am spreading the word in my great hall of turds, my museum of fossilized....

JENNIFER: Poop.

SAGAL: Poop. Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Poop.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The owner of the world's largest private collection of fossilized poop has opened a museum called...

SLADE: Come on, Peter. (Laughter) Come on, Peter.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Are you feeling pity for me?

SLADE: (Laughter) Yes.

SAGAL: It's a living.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He's opening the museum as the result of a long campaign by his wife to get that crap out of the garage.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And it is called, as I probably need not tell you, the Pooseum.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Oh.

SAGAL: It contains over 8,000 pieces of fossilized poop or - to use the scientific name - coprolites, as in, well, sir, I need this bank loan to open a museum of coprolites.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: This is one of those things - I'm OK with just seeing the picture. I don't need to see the...

CHEE: (Laughter).

SLADE: ...Real-life thing.

SAGAL: Yeah.

CHEE: I don't even know if I want to see a picture.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: It sounds like a good place to take someone on a first date if you never want to see them again.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jennifer do in our quiz?

KURTIS: I am - never fail to be amazed at how smart our people are. She got three in a row, making her an excellent winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Well done. Thanks so much for playing. Take care.

(APPLAUSE)

JENNIFER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF LESLIE BRICUSSE AND ANTHONY NEWLEY'S "MAIN TITLE (GOLDEN TICKET / PURE IMAGINATION)")

SAGAL: Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score?

KURTIS: Karen and Shane each have three. Alzo has two.

SLADE: What?

CHEE: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK. That means, Alzo, you are in, well, let's say second place behind Karen and Shane. So you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the White House announced new restrictions on blank seekers from Mexico.

SLADE: Asylum.

SAGAL: Right. On Thursday...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...The World Health Organization confirmed the first human death from the H5N2 variant of the blank flu.

SLADE: Bird.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, President Biden traveled to France to commemorate the 80th anniversary of blank.

SLADE: D-Day.

SAGAL: Right. On Wednesday...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...NASA rejected a billionaire's proposal to fix the blank telescope.

SLADE: Hubbard (ph).

SAGAL: Almost right. I'll give it to you. The Hubble. Hubble.

SLADE: Hubble. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a hiker climbed to the top of China's highest waterfall and took a picture of blank.

SLADE: A turd fossil.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, all of a sudden, you're interested. Like, yeah...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I thought about it for a while. Like, oh, that...

SLADE: (Laughter) Yeah.

SAGAL: ...Might be cool. No. He found the water pipe that was pumping water over the waterfall to make it look more impressive. On Thursday, the Mavericks faced the Celtics in the first game of the blank finals.

SLADE: NBA.

SAGAL: Yes. On Tuesday...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Google said they would scale back on displaying search results generated by blank.

SLADE: AI.

SAGAL: Right. This week...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...A candidate running against the mayor of a small town in Italy...

(SOUNDBITE OF GOING)

SAGAL: ...Won a major victory when he got the endorsement of blank.

SLADE: A donkey.

SAGAL: No. He got the endorsement of the current mayor's mother.

(LAUGHTER)

SLADE: You go, boy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Igor De Santis is the name of the current mayor. And he was shocked when his opponent announced that he had secured the political support of De Santis' mother in the election.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And all this guy had to do was - to win the mother's support was say, oh, you must be the mayor's sister.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alzo do in our quiz? I think he did quite well.

KURTIS: He did quite well. Six right, 12 more points. A total of 15 puts him in the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

CHEE: That's good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Karen, I'm going to arbitrarily choose you to go next.

CHEE: OK.

SAGAL: Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, a Georgia appeals court indefinitely halted blank's election interference trial.

CHEE: Trump.

SAGAL: Right. On Tuesday...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Election results showed that Indian Prime Minister blank has failed to secure a majority in parliament.

CHEE: Modi.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration warned that blank levels are surging faster than ever.

CHEE: Climate change, temperature, water, sea level.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You named everything but the right one, carbon dioxide.

CHEE: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the U.K. began circulation of new bank notes featuring blank's image.

CHEE: The king.

SAGAL: Which king?

CHEE: Charles.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a man in Pennsylvania won a spot in the state legislature despite blanking.

CHEE: Losing.

SAGAL: No, despite being dead. On Monday...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...A player for the San Diego Padres was banned for life for blanking.

CHEE: Oh, betting. Betting. Betting.

SAGAL: Betting on baseball games. After injuring...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...His knee, tennis star blank pulled out of the French open.

CHEE: Djokovic.

SAGAL: Yes, Djokovic.

CHEE: (Laughter) Oh.

SAGAL: Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a YouTube influencer in California is...

(SOUNDBITE OF GOING)

SAGAL: ...Facing charges for filming himself blanking.

CHEE: Using the bathroom.

SAGAL: No. He filmed himself shooting fireworks from a helicopter at a Lamborghini doing doughnuts while on federal land.

(LAUGHTER)

CHEE: Oh...

SLADE: Wait, wait. Say that again.

CHEE: ...My God.

SAGAL: I - well, hang on.

CHEE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: So Alex Choi is a YouTuber.

CHEE: (Laughter) No.

SAGAL: And he is expected to plead not guilty, but he's going to have a hard time once the judge sees the first piece of evidence, a YouTube video titled watch me shoot off illegal fireworks from a helicopter...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...At a Lamborghini that's doing donuts on federal land.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Karen do in our quiz?

KURTIS: Five right. Ten more points, 13, one behind Alzo.

CHEE: No.

SAGAL: OK. So how many - whoa. That's impressive. So how many, then, does Shane need to overtake Alzo and win?

KURTIS: Six to win.

SAGAL: Here we go, Shane.

O'NEILL: We got this.

SAGAL: On Tuesday, testimony in blank's gun possession trial began.

O'NEILL: Biden.

SAGAL: Right.

O'NEILL: Hunter.

SAGAL: Hunter Biden.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, 27 countries began parliamentary elections for the blank.

O'NEILL: For the win.

SAGAL: No...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...For the European Union. This week, an FDA panel advised pharmaceutical companies to update their blank vaccines.

O'NEILL: COVID.

SAGAL: Yeah, I guess.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Governor Kathy Hochul delayed a plan to charge people for blanking in New York City.

O'NEILL: Oh, the congested - for driving.

SAGAL: Yeah, for driving.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, officials in Iowa warned residents not to disturb the nests of turkey vultures who blank when they are threatened.

O'NEILL: Kill people.

SAGAL: No. They vomit acid. On Monday, soccer star blank announced he was releasing a new energy drink.

O'NEILL: Oh, Messi.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a man in Montana had immediately return to the restaurant where...

(SOUNDBITE OF GOING)

SAGAL: ...He had just picked up his pizza when he realized he had blanked.

O'NEILL: Already had pizza that day.

SAGAL: No. He returned to the restaurant when he realized that he had driven away from the restaurant with his pizza in someone else's car.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He was hungry. He was focusing on getting home with the pizza. He didn't stop to wonder why his car that he got into already had keys in the ignition or why there was a dog in the backseat or why those strange kids back there with the dog...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Were saying, great. We get a new dad.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Once he realized his mistake, he returned the car - right? - turned around and gave the kids back, gave the dog back, gave the car back. And he drove his own car home so he could enjoy his - wait. I didn't order a pepperoni pizza.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Shane do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Not quite. Four right, 8 more points. Total of 11 means Alzo is our champion.

(CHEERING)

SLADE: Alzo. Alzo.

SAGAL: In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will Pepsi do to get back into second place in the great Cola war.

WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Production - Doug Berman, benevolent overlord. Philipp Goedicke writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shayna Donald. Thanks to Gary Yek this week, as well as the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater. BJ Leiderman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornbos and Lillian got-to-burn King. Special thanks this week to Monica Hickey and Shantira Jackson. Our watermelon gusher is Peter Gwinn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Neuhaus. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag. And the executive producer of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME is Michael Danforth.

Now, panel, what will Pepsi do to get its second-place mojo back? Shane O'Neill.

O'NEILL: Mix it with Coke.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Karen Chee.

CHEE: I'll ask people really nicely.

SAGAL: And Alzo Slade.

SLADE: Since Mike Tyson can't do it, just volunteer to fight Jake Paul.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

SAGAL: Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Karen Chee, Alzo Slade, Shane O'Neill.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater. And thanks to all of you for listening out wherever you may be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week live from Millennium Park in Chicago.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: This is NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.