Three years ago, Laurie Carey from Birmingham, Ala., would admire videos of the little boy she was set to adopt from China, as he said "mama" and "baba" while looking at photos of Carey's family.
But this week, she faced the painful reality that she may never hear those words from him in person. The hardest part has been not knowing how her adoptive son is doing.
"We want answers," Carey said. "We wonder what the kids who had pictures of us and videos of us, do they think that, 'Oh I've been abandoned again?' "
Carey is one of the hundreds of families whose hopes to adopt a child from China have been dashed this week with the ending of China's international adoptions program. The Chinese government said the only exception will be for families who are adopting the children or stepchildren of blood relatives in China.
The government adjusted its policy to be "in line" with international trends, Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Mao Ning said Thursday, according to Reuters. "We express our appreciation to those foreign governments and families, who wish to adopt Chinese children, for their good intention and the love and kindness they have shown," Ning said.
This decision applies to both current and future adoption applications. The U.S. State Department said on Friday that its still seeking clarification on the reason behind the policy change and understanding what it will mean for families with pending applications.
After years of waiting, families are in shock and heartbroken
Carey and her husband were matched with a 3-year-old boy from China in July 2020. They expected the adoption process to take long given the COVID-19 pandemic. But even two years later, after the virus waned, Carey said they were in the dark about next steps.
" 'Just be patient' is what we were told for four years, 'just be patient,' which is hard when you have a child on the other side of the world and your whole life is kind of wrapped up in this," she said.
Despite the years of uncertainty, Carey said when she received word about China's policy change this week, it brought on a new wave of grief. All this time, in the back of her mind, she held on to hope that she will eventually be able to adopt.
"The finality of it all, hurts," she said.
Aimee Welch from Louisville, Ky., was weeks away from traveling to China to adopt a 6-year-old girl when COVID hit in March 2020. She was hopeful that her chance to adopt would come soon, given that just last year, some families were able to move forward with their adoption process. After years of waiting, Welch said this week felt like a gut punch.
"It's a closed door with no closure," she said. "And to think about this little girl, we promised to come for her. As a 6-year-old, how could she process the reason why we weren't coming when we said we could?"
Welch is hoping that China will reverse its decision and at least, allow families with pending cases to adopt. Until then, she said she has asked the adoption agency to let her adoptive daughter know that she has not been forgotten. "We've ask that they get her the message that we would have come for her if we could, that we have never given up," she said.
An end to an era
China formally opened its doors for international adoptions in 1992. At the time, it was in response to the country's strict one-child policy, which forced many families to put their children up for adoption. Many couples chose to put girls up for adoption, favoring male children.
But over the past decade, the government has eased its limitations and allowed married couples to have up to three children. International adoptions have also declined over the years and domestic adoptions have been prioritized. All the while, attitudes toward adoptions overseas have changed too — as many grapple with their ethical concerns and the toll they can have on adoptees.
Still, China's program has paved the way for more than 160,000 children to be adopted by families abroad in the past three decades. Half of the children were adopted by families in the U.S. A majority of the adoptees from China have been children with disabilities.
As of 2022, there were 159,000 orphans in China, according to the Council on Foreign Relations. The Council added that many more orphans either live independently or have extended families that cannot care for them.
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