When deciding to flee Ukraine means leaving a family member behind
33 year old Sofia Bretl has lived in New York City for the last decade, but she was born and raised in the Ukrainian city of Kharkiv about 25 miles from the Russian border. The city has been one of the hardest hit by Russian forces. Over the last month, Sofia's been in constant communication with her family back home. Sofia sat down for a series of interviews with Radio Diaries, documenting the difficult choices they've had to make as the violence escalates.
Sofia's mother, Vita Linnik, is 55. Before the Russians invaded in February, Sofia says her mother cared for her 92-year-old great aunt, Vanya Guseba. Vanya lives on the other side of the city in the Saltivka neighborhood of Kharkiv. Vanya has had a mental disability most of her life and over the last year, she's grown physically weaker, now unable to walk on her own. Vita cared for her with help from one of her aunt's neighbors, a retired home health aide. "She's helpless," Sofia says of her great-aunt, "she doesn't even understand there's a war going on."
When Russian forces began their assault on the city, it became too dangerous for Vita to travel across town to visit her aunt, but Vanya's neighbor agreed to continue watching over her. When the shelling began, Sofia says, her mother sheltered in the hallways and basement of her apartment building with other residents. As the bombardment grew worse, people began to evacuate, but she refused. She didn't want to leave Vanya behind entirely.
By the second week of March, most of the residents of Vita Linnik's apartment building had left: only 2 families remained. One of Vita's friends decided to leave and encouraged Vita to do the same, saying she risked death if she stayed. Sofia Bretl remembers telling her mother "You need to make a decision. I want you to leave, because I want to have a mother. I'm sorry to put it this way, but it's me or the aunt."
Vanya's caretaker was planning to stay in Kharkiv with her 20-year-old grandson and did not intend to evacuate. She told Vita that leaving was a terrible decision, but there was nothing she could do to stop her.
Vita Linnik ultimately decided to get out of Kharkiv. She and a friend traveled by bus and finally crossed the border into Moldova. Her friend is Jewish, allowing them both to evacuate to Israel, where Vita was given permission to stay on a temporary visa. Sofia flew there to join her, hoping to bring her to the United States.
She's relieved her mother is out of the country, but understands the guilt she feels for leaving her aunt behind. "I do not know if she will ever forgive herself," Sofia says, "But this is the decisions that war puts people in front of: Which life to choose."
An estimated 40 million people still remain in Ukraine. Some, because of their age, ill health or disability, are unable to leave on their own and rescue organizations are struggling to get them out. Vanya Guseba's neighborhood has been under almost daily bombardment, and authorities have evacuated her to a care facility in Kharkiv.
This story was produced by Joe Richman of Radio Diaries. It was edited by Deborah George and Benjamin Shapiro. Thanks also to Nellie Gilles, Mycah Hazel, Alissa Escarce and Stephanie Rodriguez. The story featured music from Ukrainian band DakhaBrakha. They're based in Kyiv, but left the country when the war began. You can hear more stories like this one on the Radio Diaries podcast.
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Transcript
AILSA CHANG, HOST:
Thirty-three-year-old Sofia Bretl has lived in New York City for the last decade, but she was born and raised in the Ukrainian city of Kharkiv, about 25 miles from the Russian border. Her mother has lived there all her life and has continued to live there as the city has endured some of the worst shelling from this war. Sofia and her mother have talked almost every day since the Russian invasion. And as conditions in Kharkiv worsened, the pair faced a difficult decision. Radio Diaries brings us their story.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SOFIA BRETL: Every day, I wake up, reached for my phone. And that split second before I look at my phone, I have a fear of not seeing a message from my mom. My mom's name is Vita. And in the beginning, the building where my mom lived, it's like, oh, we're all together, cook together, laugh together, be scared together. But then it got worse and worse. Every day, artillery falling into people's apartments and roofs, buildings explode. And people started leaving, trying to evacuate, until only two other families was left in my building. And I kept asking her, would you be willing to evacuate? There are trains. If I find someone for you, to give you a ride or - would you go? And my mom told me right away that she's not going to leave because she doesn't want to leave her aunt.
So my aunt, it's hard to describe her. Her name is Vanya. She's like a kid in the grown up body. She was mentally disabled all her life because a big tree fell down on her when she was 10. So my grandmother took care of her. So my grandmother died this year and left her sister, at 92 years old, as heritage to my mom. Our aunt lives across town. And my mom wasn't even able to get to my aunt. The city was being bombed. So my aunt's neighbor in the beginning of the war said, don't worry. I'm going to take care of her. I'm here in this building. I'm not going anywhere. There is no need for you right now. But she used to be a home attendant, so she knows how to do all these things. So my aunt, she was barely walking. And she's helpless. She doesn't even understand that there's a war going on.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
BRETL: I was at work, and I got a message, call me, from my mom's friend who she was in shelter with. I called her. And she said that next morning, she will leave in evacuation. And she said, listen, you need to convince your mom to leave because it's really dangerous here. And she doesn't want to go because of the aunt. So I called my mom and I said, you need to make a decision. I want you to leave because I want to have a mother. I said I am sorry to put it this way, but it's me or the aunt. I know that for sure this choice goes against her basic belief system, like, to help your neighbor, to contribute to the society. The core of her values came from the best what was Soviet Ukraine. And up until the very last moment, I was sure she's not going to go. But she called a neighbor who was taking care of our aunt, and she said, like, if she would let her go. And the neighbor said, like, it's your decision. Of course, what you do is terrible. But how can I stop you?
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
BRETL: My mom left with her friend. They took a bus. No one knew where the bus was taking them. And I saw a message from my mom. She said, I don't know where our last destination is. It could be in Romania. Kisses. She doesn't speak English, never been abroad, and she's really, really scared. So I had to make peace with the fact that maybe I won't hear from her for two or three days. I'll wait for her to contact me. So I'm waiting, right now. Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF PHONE RINGING)
VITA LINNIK: (Speaking Ukrainian)
BRETL: I finally talked to my mom.
(Speaking Ukrainian).
LINNIK: (Speaking Ukrainian).
BRETL: (Speaking Ukrainian).
LINNIK: (Speaking Ukrainian).
BRETL: She said, hi, honey. I'm in the bus right now. I asked her if she's fine and safe. She says, yes. Everything OK. Are you fine? Are you safe? I said yes.
LINNIK: (Speaking Ukrainian).
BRETL: She said the bus was very long and difficult. She doesn't quite understand where she is, but she's out.
LINNIK: (Speaking Ukrainian).
BRETL: She's safe. And for the first time, I actually heard her not nervous. And she said, please call our neighbor to find out how the aunt is.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
BRETL: As for me, like, getting her out is a giant weight out of my heart and out of my shoulders. Like, she left with two little bags, shoulder bags, right? But the main thing that she's alive. I know that there's a lot of guilt and shame because of her aunt. In a textbook of morals, what's right or wrong, it's probably wrong to leave your family members. I do not know if she will ever forgive herself. But this is the decisions that war puts people in front of, which life to choose.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
CHANG: Sofia's mom crossed the border into Moldova. Because the friend she was traveling with is Jewish, both were able to evacuate to Israel. Sofia has joined her mom there. They've just learned that their Aunt Vanya has been evacuated from her apartment to a care facility in Kharkiv. Our story was produced by Joe Richman of Radio Diaries. The editors were Ben Shapiro and Deborah George. You can hear more of their stories on the "Radio Diaries" podcast. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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