When Jamil faced a new parent's worst nightmare, a doctor taught him how to be a dad
When times are stressful, it can help to pause and think about the people who have helped in moments of need.
Jamil Zaki of San Francisco met his unsung hero more than six years ago, shortly after the birth of his daughter Alma. Alma was struggling to live, and Zaki and his wife were trying to hold it together.
"I don't know how to describe that experience of seeing her for the first time and realizing that she might not make it," he said. "I would say that as a parent, the first thing I realized... was that I wanted more than anything in the world to protect her."
Alma spent several weeks in the intensive care unit. One day while she was there, a doctor told Zaki that Alma had had a stroke when she was born.
Zaki and his wife would have to give Alma painful injections twice a day for the foreseeable future.
"It was about one in the morning when we found this out, and the doctor who told me this clearly was exhausted himself," Zaki said. "And instead of just delivering the news compassionately and leaving, he just pulled up a chair. And we talked, I'd say for about 90 minutes or so."
The doctor talked with him about Alma, and also shared his own experiences as a parent.
"That interaction changed the trajectory of this difficult time," Zaki said. "That night, in that conversation, somehow made me feel like no matter what we were going through, for me, what I was experiencing was fatherhood. And that fatherhood will always have ups and downs, and that the only thing we can do is roll with them and be there for our children, as best we can."
Today, Alma is doing well, but Zaki says his memories of those difficult first weeks of parenthood, and the kind doctor who helped him through, have remained with him.
"It was as though he hit the pause button on this torrent of pain and anguish that we were feeling," he said.
To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
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Transcript
ADRIAN FLORIDO, HOST:
When times are stressful, it can help to pause and think about the people who've helped us in moments of need. That's the theme of a new podcast from the team at Hidden Brain. It's called "My Unsung Hero," and it tells the stories of people whose kindness left a lasting impression on the person who received it.
Jamil Zaki of San Francisco met his unsung hero more than six years ago, shortly after the birth of his daughter Alma. Alma was struggling to live, and Jamil and his wife were having a hard time.
JAMIL ZAKI: I just don't know how to describe that experience of seeing her for the first time and realizing that she might not make it. I would say that as a parent, the first thing I realized that first moment of having a child was that I wanted more than anything in the world to protect her. I also knew that I had failed already. And I think, you know, we all realize at some point in our lives that we can't protect our children from the world or from the suffering that it will bring them, but I just was not ready for that experience.
In the weeks after that, Alma spent her time in the intensive care nursery. And, you know, we were in a place of utter helplessness. And we're also thousands of miles away from most of our family. And so we relied on the staff there.
There's one interaction I won't ever forget. We had learned that Alma had a stroke and that she would need to have this really painful type of injection that we would have to give her twice a day for the foreseeable future. And I was just in despair. It was about 1 in the morning when we found this out. And the doctor who told me this clearly was exhausted himself. I mean, it's 1 in the morning, and he's at work. And he could just see what was happening with me. And instead of just delivering the news compassionately and leaving, he just pulled up a chair.
And we talked, I'd say, for about 90 minutes or so. And it wasn't just about Alma and her diagnosis and her condition. He told me about his kids and the struggles that he had had with them and gave me some advice on fatherhood. And it was just this weirdly normal interaction. It was as though he hit the pause button on this torrent of pain and anguish that we were feeling. And I never saw - I don't think I ever saw him again.
That interaction changed the trajectory of this difficult time. That night and that conversation somehow made me feel like no matter what we were going through, for me, what I was experiencing was fatherhood and that fatherhood will always have ups and downs and that the only thing we can do is roll with them and be there for our children as best we can.
FLORIDO: Jamil Zaki of San Francisco. He says Alma is now doing well and enjoys dancing, swimming and playing with her little sister Luisa.
You can share the story of your unsung hero with the team at Hidden Brain. Just record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
(SOUNDBITE OF MOGWAI'S "DONUTS") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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