Sandwich Monday: Deep-Fried Cheese Curds

Whenever people from the edges of the country come to visit me in the Midwest, I don't let them leave until they have tried deep-fried cheese curds.

If you're not familiar with them, cheese curds are a byproduct of the cheddar cheese-making process, and "deep frying" is a method by which anything is made into a better version of itself.

You can find deep-fried cheese curds all over the states surrounding Wisconsin. But today we're eating the exceptional beer-battered ones from Farmhouse in Chicago.

Peter: Some say that the sweet potato is nature's perfect food, because it's packed with vitamins. Well, $&*&% you, Nature, this is mine.

Eva: Whoever invented these should win an Oscar. I don't care if it doesn't fit. The academy should make an exception.

Robert is transfixed.

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Miles: No one let the cheese curds know that I brought a salad for lunch — I don't want to look like a nerd in front of them.

Jeanette: I appreciate any food item that oils my cuticles as I eat. It's my ideal spa experience.

Ian: I like how non-fried cheese can now be considered a Healthful Alternative.

Miles: In the Midwestern version of the Bible, the serpent tempts Eve with cheese curds. It's called Wiscon-Original-Sin.

Sistine Chapel close-up.

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Peter: No just God would punish her for giving in.

Eva: Little Miss Muffet can no longer sit on her tuffet. What is a tuffet?

Miles attacks.

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Peter: I don't know, but if you batter and deep-fry it, I'll fight you for it.

Ian: These are so delicious that when you think about them shortening your life, you only worry about it because it means less time to eat cheese curds.

Peter: I had deep-fried cheese curds on an early date with my ex-wife. I realize now what I really fell in love with.

Cheese, improved.

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Eva: The last cheese curd is the No. 1 cause of murder among dear friends.

[The verdict: a perfect food.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!