Sandwich Monday: Pizza-Flavored Salad Dressing

After years of doing Sandwich Monday, we've decided to try a salad. In order to make the transition easier for everyone, we're eating it with "Cheesy Pizza" Flavored Salad Dressing from Chef Kidd's "Funagrette."

That last paragraph is a lie. We're eating this because they sent us a box of it and we'll eat anything you send us. Speaking of which: Office Depot, there was an incident. We need more toner.

Ian: "Funagrette" is also a good name for a product that gets kids to try cigarettes.

Jeanette: I never thought a salad could make me feel so bad about my eating habits.

Miles: This product is under the false impression that what kids hate most about salad is the dressing, when in fact what kids hate most about salad is salad.

This is the face Peter makes when he tastes pizza salad dressing, or when you tell him Antiques Roadshow spoilers.

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Eva: I like to fold my salad in half and eat it with my hands.

Peter: A better way to get pizza-flavored salad is to just eat a pizza and then burp on a head of lettuce.

Miles: No. The only way to make a decent pizza-flavored salad is to replace all of the lettuce with slices of pizza.

Having known and trusted pizza his whole life, Ian has no choice but to blame salad for what's happening in his mouth right now.

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Ian: As a salad dressing, it's gross. As a proof of concept for intravenous pizza, it's promising.

Robert: This isn't nearly as authentic as that brick-oven salad bar I found in Rome.

Robert didn't understand, but the Prime Directive prohibited us from intervening.

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Eva: This is what pizza looks like on the sidewalk at 3 a.m.

Peter: This isn't a way to get kids to like salad. It's a way to get them to hate pizza.

Intern Jeanette is not having Funajeanette.

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[The verdict: In theory, yes! In practice, no.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!